Chemo #4 finished and I'm half way done!

I will have to admit yesterday was a weak day for me although I was happy about it breaking the halfway point for chemo.  And this was the last time I would get the AC treatment that is very rough (moving on to Taxol for 4 more rounds). My 39th birthday was the day before so my husband and I celebrated by doing a one night staycation at the Grand Hyatt in Tampa. I know it's weird to spend money at a local hotel but it's the only way we can truly somewhat "relax". I knew my birthday would be one of my feel good days and so I take advantage of that when I can! So we checked out of the hotel at about 8:30 AM and headed to Moffitt on Tuesday morning. Dave was ranting about some nonsense going on with work and all I could think about is how much I did not want to get another infusion. I had anxiety and my stomach was turning to the point I just burst into tears. I think it throws him off when that happens but you can only hold it in for so long. He told me to "rub some dirt on it"!  That's is token statement for just about anything and it's funny just because it's him and his way of dealing with this uncomfortable situation. We talked about what I was feeling and he got me to calm down and focus on being half way done with this hurdle.

I was still fighting back tears the entire morning and it was tough.  I know so many of you comment about how strong I am through this but there are times where I just hit a weak point. I try to focus on the positives to get me through it but the feelings are still there and hard to fight sometimes. After meeting with my nurse and oncologist (who are both amazing!) I felt a little better because I got some good news. She had a hard time finding my tumor and so it is already shrinking with just 3 rounds!  I can still feel it and the size has reduced quite a bit. She also told me I may not have to do radiation.....whoooh hoooo! It truly depends on what they find during surgery but I will stay hopeful until then. I also got my first appointment scheduled with my reconstructive surgeon so that makes me feel like I'm moving on to the next step of this journey. 

This last round did kick my ass and I'll admit it. Each time I learn new ways to deal with the side effects or even better prepare myself so they aren't as bad. For example I know that I will get an awful metallic taste in my mouth for about a week and to help this I need to eat pickles!  And I love pickles, especially the homemade ones my Aunt Tracy brought over last weekend!! I also know that I WILL get mouth and throat sores and now I use a new mouthwash prescription along with saltwater and Biotene.  But I first have to put on Blistex so my lips won't burn when I do any of this (lips are thin and often chapped). I will spare you the details of the constipation! Hopefully I will manage that better this time with some changes I've made so I'll put those tips in my next blog. 

A lot of you ask why my eyebrows and eyelashes haven't fallen out.  Well they started slowly coming out the last few days.  That type of hair cycles much slower than the hair on our head so you get to keep them a little longer. I did learn from a woman yesterday that her eyelashes and brows grew in even fuller so there's a benefit to chemo. 

Cancer sure has changed my life and I think it's changed some things for the better. I take advantage of the days or moments when I feel good and truly appreciate that time. I've realized that life is already short and knowing mine could have been shorter makes me appreciate even the littlest things! I do a lot more reading now and I want to make life changes so that I'm around even longer and that cancer doesn't come back! I don't see myself going full vegan or anything but I have changed my outlook on the foods we consume. If you ever want to watch a good documentary about foods checkout Food, Inc., Food Matters, Forks Over Knives, etc on Netflix.......and it will open your eyes!

Here's a few pictures (selifies) I snapped after round 3. I hope to look back on all this next year and curious to how it will make me feel. I am so blessed with all the support I have out there to the point I feel guilty! I just wish everyone going through this or those that went through this get the support I do. My mom even got a tattoo in honor of me......and she cut her long hair! I get gifts from people I haven't seen since high school and that is truly touching. My friend's little girl even cut her hair to show support and donated it as well. I'm simply amazed at the support and I can't think of enough words to express my gratitude.

Birthday love from my Dogo Pumpkin!!

Afternoon out with mom and sis at the mall.

Some Valentine's day love from my Dogo Kadena.

Mom cut her hair (12") and donated to Locks of Love!!!!

Mom got a tattoo in honor of me that she designed her self :)

Early morning cuddles with my Hunter buns, I'm a lucky gal.

Afternoon cuddles with my Dogo Vixen! Dogos do not respect personal space as you can see.

My last look at the red devil (angel) chemo!

Chemo #3 AC done!

Well I thought I was bald with that last post but I am even more bald now.......I mean NO hair on my head! I am more comfortable with it than I thought I would be. That doesn't mean that it was easy to do but it was something that I had control of finally. To be honest I did have a meltdown right before I had Dave shave it off out of just pure frustration.  I've had a few of these where emotions come over me and I just lose it and can't hardly catch my breath because I cry so hard. But when it's over, I feel better and more peaceful for some reason. I'm sure this must be hard for Dave to deal with since I generally keep it together.  So I must be driving him batty at this point!!

Me and my seester waiting on chemo round 3 doing the peace sign :)

Uncle Kenny showing his support!!!

I get ALL KINDS of support from my friends and family out there and I am so thankful for it!!!!  A day or so after I went full commando my Uncle Kenny in Daytona decided to do the same thing to show his support! How sweet was that?! Then last week I got a package from a 3rd cousin (or 2nd or something, I can't keep up with family trees!) full of beautiful head wraps since she is now in the Radiation stage of her treatment against this ridiculous disease! She has been a great supporter and went through the same treatment I am going through.  Not to mention she is yet another cancer ass kicker!




Last week I went to buy some beanies for my head because it does get chilly.  But then when I cover my head it will get hot sometimes and there is no happy medium.  I like to wear them under scarves, around the house, or when I go to bed.  Until you have a bald head you don't realize how cold a pillow can be!  Then my menopause goes haywire in the middle of the night and I take it off. Waking up hot and sweaty has become normal for me these days. Anyway, I decided to try on some wigs where I went to get a few beanies and really liked this one called the "angel".....so I bought it! I haven't worn it out yet but I will soon. At least now I can go out and look normal.  However, I do enjoy accessorizing my head so being bald hasn't been all that bad.

My new long wig, but I haven't worn it out yet!

I am looking forward to getting chemo behind me more than ever.  I have one more round of this intense AC treatment and then I move on to Taxol for 4 rounds. After round 2 of AC I was a little stronger than after round 1.  But then the second week kicked in and the mouth sores were out of control. I've included a picture that doesn't even do it any justice.  Sorry to those of you with a weak stomach!  My mouth and throat was basically an open wound and if I ate it just felt like I was swallowing rocks. It get so frustrating to feel like this because I want to eat but can't.  And on top of it, everything tastes like crap. My favorite foods now have no flavor and so eating is just a huge pain in the ass these days.

OK so I can't eat most of the time. But then my indigestion went out of control! It was so uncomfortable that I just couldn't take it anymore.  Finally, I started taking Prevecid daily and it works!  I do have a little indigestion here and there but nothing like I was having.  It's simply crazy how much the chemo gets your digestive system out of whack.  Nothing works right and so you just always feel bleh.

First the sores appear as this then they get raw and more painful.

Sores in the crease of my mouth, feels like it was cut with a chainsaw.

There's all this advice out there and books about what you should eat to beat cancer.  Coming from someone that is on chemo, this is all fairly impossible! I went into this thinking I would eat right and follow the alkaline diet stuff.  It's impossible. You just have to eat what you can when you can. I want to eat healthy and all but the foods were are "supposed" to eat just will not go down.  I'll try and eat something and it just turns to mush in my mouth.  I compare it to what it may be like to eat glue or something that is just bad texture and no taste.  It is the weirdest thing to have no taste and not be able to eat most things.  On the bright side, about 3 days before my next round I do get some taste back and I hope that happens again this round!

Let's end this one on a good note!  I am convinced that one of my dogos can detect Migraines.  I've had some migraine problems on my 2nd week after chemo. Vixen was licking my ear and face more than ever, it was driving me nuts.  Then she would stand over me and just be intense.  Then 30 minutes later.....bad migraine!  This happened 3 times and I swear she must know it's coming on.  Now I will take my meds if she does this because those migraines are no fun. We have a lot of dogs and I'll put a few pictures below to share how happy they make me!

Vixen cuddling with me while I deal with the migraine.

Vixen on me while I have a migraine!

Then below are some pictures when Pumpkin first noticed my bald head! I think she likes it because she loves to lick so this gives her more surface area to do that. She definitely noticed something was different but you gotta love dogs because they don't judge!

Dogs my be a lot of work and responsibility, but the rewards are worth it.  They are such good therapy for me and I couldn't imagine doing this without having such great dogs.  When no one is home they always fill in that void and there is nothing like the compassion from your dog! I was looking into training my lab (Hunter) to be a therapy dog and then got diagnosed. I will definitely go through with this training so I can take him out and help others that need some dog therapy!

Round #2 AC Done and I'm Bald Now

This is us doing the surfer girl cut!

This was a true reality week for me! On Sunday, which was day 11 after my first chemo, my hair started thinning out while I was blowing it dry. I felt a tingle all over my head and then it got to be sore.  It felt like when you wear a pony tail too tight then take it down and every hair follicle is going the wrong way!  It was annoying so by Monday night I was ready to hack it off.  BUT, Dave wanted to video it on the GoPro and he didn't have it so we postponed the ordeal until Tuesday after my 2nd round of chemo. We had some fun with it.  He gave me a surfer cut, then a mohawk then not sure what it turned into.  Finally, it was gone and I officially have a shaved head and it's a WEIRD feeling to not have hair hanging off your head. I went to take a shower and still thought to myself "do I need to clip it up or am I washing my hair?". Duh, there is no hair to clip but I often do this when I don't wash my hair. Then I always lay out 2 towels, one for my hair and one for my body.....well I don't need one to wrap my hair up anymore and boy was that strange! But I'm getting used to it now and I am a little relieved that I don't have to DO my hair.  Now, I just figure out what I can do to accessorize my head. I often go with the GI Pamela look at home but it's a bit chilly so I haven't sported the look in public just yet but I will. I went to the grocery store with my head wrap on and got some looks from people, curious to know what they may be thinking.

First ever picture of my bald head.

I got this beautiful head wrap from Good Wishes Scarves....at no cost! :)  



 I thought I would be more traumatized by this experience but I am ok with it for the most part. I did tear up after we were done because the reality is that I now look like a cancer patient to anyone that sees me. I have a feeling this is more of a shock to my family and friends than it is to me. I think it really puts the reality stamp on it and what I'm going through. To be honest, I wish that the ONLY side effect was hair loss! It's all the other side effects that really suck.

Going back to earlier in the day before we shaved my head. I had such a nice surprise before my infusion appointment. Three amazing friends came by to surprise me in custom shirts made for me! The front says "Team Pamela" and the back says "Fuck Cancer"! I love it!! Then, I just found out they had some made for our friends out in Texas and included the cutest little girls of theirs....this has made my day! Check them out in this picture!!!  I sure have some of the best support out there and it makes dealing with this madness a lot easier.


Some of my supporters out there helping me keep my chin up through all this!

One thing I have to work on is my husband's addiction to technology!  Our businesses never let us breathe and it's hard to be away from the office even for an hour, let alone an entire day! He tries to juggle all of this and I wish it were easier for both of us right now but we have to keep plugging along because this is what we do! I don't know how he keeps up with it all and now trying to keep up with all that I have going on. But somehow he does, he's amazing and I'm a lucky gal!

 



On Day 1 after chemo my bestie, Selma, from Orlando came over with 2 trays of her famous lasagna. She also brought some of the best mini gourmet cupcakes which totally hit the spot along with a beautiful custom necklace from Origami Owl! It's hard to keep up with all the gifts I have received and I plan on getting my official "thank yous" out soon! I even got a beautiful handmade quilt this week from my dear friend, Antonella, that was made by a cancer survivor herself so it means A LOT!

Overall this round of chemo has been a little nicer to me.  I am EXHAUSTED but feel better than I did after round 1.  I prepared myself a little better this go around and made sure I had the right foods available such as fruits, crackers, and soups. I went to work the day after chemo but then was too fatigued to make it in on Thursday. I decided not to drive the days following chemo because I just don't think it's safe and I would hate to be the cause of an accident on top of all this! I am at work today and trying to get "caught up" but you know how that is nearly impossible even when you are at work all the time!


One thing different is that I have developed these little red dots on my hands and feet. I called my doctor about it but they don't seem to be getting worse so I'll just keep an eye on it for now. I don't remember this happening last time. They think it's an allergic reaction but I heard from my cousin that it is caused by leaky capillaries and low platelets which also makes a lot of sense considering the toxins they pump into me!



Well my mom brought to my attention that I am 1/4 of the way done with the chemo part of this journey and that is a great thing! Just 2 more rounds of this tough chemo then I move on to Taxol which is known to be "easier", yay! So here we are after leaving my 2nd round and waiting for the car in valet.  Gotta love that you get valet parking at the hospital. It's a nice perk to not have to find your car in some parking lot when you're good and ready to get outta there! 

It Was "just" A Migraine...But I'm Normal Now!

I was a bit hesitant to try Ambien to sleep but I wanted to sleep SO bad that I decided to take one on Tuesday night.  I've heard horror stories about sleep walking,  sleep eating, sleep cooking, sleep bathing, sleep driving, sleep sex! However, the sleep was AMAZING! I don't think anything happened but I was in such a coma-like sleep that I would not know if anything fun happened while I was out.  However, I woke up with a headache that got worse and worse. My eyes felt like they were the size of tennis balls and my brain felt like it was too big for my skull!  I had a migraine starting and went home early from the office. I can't take Excedrin Migraine now because it's aspirin based and not something they want us to take with chemo. Sucks because that stuff works for me! I ended up taking Percocet and it helped take the edge off enough so I could at least sleep.

OMG the next morning was worse! My head hurt so bad I couldn't even move. I couldn't stand up, lay down, think, look at the TV, nothing. Everything just sucked and I was pissed off about it. I was for sure something was wrong and had Dave come get me to go see someone at Moffitt. They decided to do and MRI on my head and make sure there was nothing funny going on there. While waiting to get the MRI scheduled I had Dave get me a banana and water. Yup, I immediately barfed my brains out along with all the water I drank earlier, it was disgusting. Finally I get the MRI and luckily for me, my brain is perfect! So the outcome is that I am having a serious migraine....for two days. They told me to take Percocet and get some rest to see if it will go away.  Apparently this is a fun side effect of chemo and may or may not be related to the Ambien.

We left and I was starving since it's been a couple days since I ate real food. I had Dave drive through Chick Fil A and got some nuggets.  I ate a few of them and he made a U-turn and I made a frantic move for the empty bag!  Yup, I barfed my nuggets right back up.  I can laugh about it now but I was pissed off!  I was so hungry, my head hurt, and the pain made it so I was vomiting everything.......this shit gets old. On top of me feeling like total crap, my husband had horrible gas! While I was getting an MRI he went down to the cafeteria and, of all things, got split pea soup. Who eats that?! Well, it gave him the most rotten gas and didn't help my situation whatsoever. The entire ride home I had to keep rolling my window down because of him and I thought I'd share that so people can really feel sorry for me! Good thing I love this guy and can see past some of this non-lovable things!

I got home and took some nausea meds. I ate some bland stuff and took two Percocets and called it a night. When I got up on Friday I still had a headache but slightly better off than the previous two mornings. I decided to go ahead and take Excedrin Migraine and after an hour or so my headache was gone. Finally, I got up and made it to the office at about 1pm but felt great! My GYN called me after learning about my condition (she was out on medical leave since Nov.) and I told her to help me with this migraine issue so next time I will be trying Fioricet, fingers crossed it will work for me. Hands down, I have the sweetest GYN on the planet and I am so glad I found her thanks to Laura's recommendation years ago.

Since I did feel well I met up with my bestie, Laura, so we can get dinner. I needed to pass the bottle I had from the Destination Ellen Project known as Seeking Noah. Laura was diagnosed in 2009 with Stage IV colon cancer and her good friend Stephanie was diagnosed with Stage III colon cancer at the same time, what are the odds? I'm honored to have been a part of this Project and passing the bottle on to Stephane so she can share her story.  This bottle is being passed through the hands of cancer survivors and fighters until it gets back to the Ellen Show!  More information can be found about the project by clicking here.

I am passing the Destination Ellen bottle off to Stephanie who is a Stage 3 colon cancer survivor!

This is my bestie Laura handing the Destination Ellen bottle off to me at my 1st chemo session. 

The Days Following My 1st Chemo

One of the reasons I started this blog was so people could get a real view of exactly what a patient goes through.  I have read a few blogs and found that it really helped to prepare myself for what may happen. I think a lot of folks feel that you go get chemo and then pull it together and get back to your daily routine as much as possible.  So many patients do this and make it look almost effortless but don't let that fool you! Anyone who has gone through chemo and made it back to work or life's schedule is giving it EVERYTHING THEY'VE GOT to make it through. But we don't want to lay around and feel all the aches and pains that go along with this so we try to stay in a routine as best we can. You feel so alone going through this, although you know you're not because so many get treatment for cancer. Even with all the support and love out there, you still feel isolated. I even feel as if I'm not being strong enough and that others obviously handle it better than me. Normally I am the one on the go and making sure everyone is taken care of but now I have to be the recipient and it's fairly awkward!

On the day of chemo I felt fine and was tired that night.  They amp you up on so many drugs that you don't have a clue what is real and what isn't. I'm so grateful for anti-nausea meds because I don't know how they went through this and vomited the entire time.  Kudos to all those out there that didn't have the luxury of anti-nausea meds or if those meds didn't work, you are the real warriors! Later that night I was very edgy and uncomfortable. Then I checked my BP and it went all the way up to 201/110 and my HR was at a steady 85 bpm. This is all very high for me and had me so on edge that I could barely sleep. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and it was a bit scary. I get a lot of night sweats now and need to often get up and change so I can go back to bed comfortable - unlike!

On DAY 1 after chemo it was difficult to wake up, I was EXHAUSTED!  I hate waking up in the morning anyway so it was only compounded by being drugged to death with toxins! I had NO appetite (totally not like me!) and found myself struggling to eat a piece of cinnamon toast and some applesauce. I drank a lot of water and I've started drinking a lot of hot teas. At about 1pm I realized I almost forgot that I had to go back to the hospital and get my Neulasta shot. When I used to take shots it was tequila or something fun, now it's crap that is going to just hurt! After my shot I had an craving for Chick Fil A nuggets and so I got some and headed to work. I made it about 4 hours at work then went home exhausted and at about 10pm the aches and pains started from that shot. I felt radiating type pains in my ankles, teeth, forearms, legs, hips......all very annoying. On the upside, my BP and HR went back to normal about 24 hours post chemo.

On DAY 2 I was sluggish getting  up but made it to work by about 9am but left before lunch because I just didn't have it in me to be there. I am so overwhelmed with the treatment and then all the stress at work just overcame me so I had to leave. I felt a great deal of depression that day and just felt like I was in a shell.  Then my bestie sent me a edible arrangement that totally hit the spot and was just what I needed to eat, made my day!

On DAY 3 I hated waking up again and did not feel like a human being at all. I found that I actually like Ensure and was able to put that down, yay! At lunch I found out that one of my favorite soups from Crispers now tasted like blended cardboard and that sucks.  My tastes are a total mess and hopefully it actually has a benefit so that I lose some weight! Today I noticed that my eyesight is getting blurry and that it's harder to focus. Text on the computer seems hazy and almost 3D, yikes! This was a rough day for me and I left the office early because I had issues completing the simplest things and got frustrated. Then the Tinnitus started kicking in more so than ever.  Sounded like an orchestra was in my head.

On DAY 4 it was Saturday and I woke up feeling the most normal since pre-treatment!  My sister was in town and my dad was on his way in to help and be there with me. My good friend Stacy came over to help with chores around the house and helped me realize that I now love white cheddar Mac N Cheese! I actually was able to be productive but every so often a feeling of complete exhaustion would happen that demands I take a break! Oh, and I found out that I could not drink coffee (what?!) or cranberry juice.....it tasted like dirty dishwater! Overall this was a pretty good day but keep in mind that I never felt 100%. Now when I say I feel "good" it is actually about a 50-75%, I don't know when I will feel 100% good again but I am looking forward to it. Today was when my mouth sores started along with a lump in my throat, which totally sucks. The cracks of my mouth are open sores and I can't open my mouth so it's hard to eat.  Thankfully someone invented popsicles because those feel amazing when your mouth feels this way. The inside of my mouth feels pasty and as if I've never brushed my teeth in my life.

On DAY 5 I really got tired of the sore mouth icky feeling then the corners actually seemed to throb like they have their own heartbeat, bazaar. Again I woke up in the middle of the night hot as hell and had to change my clothes.  I noticed today that my skin is starting to feel and look different.  I like the way it feels, it's very smooth.  But it looks blotchy and it looks sick to me. I can see every pour and it's more oily than normal so I did a masque and I continue to keep it moisturized using Eminence products. I absolutely love that line of skin care and it's all organic so it's easy on your skin. 

On DAY 6 and 7.....I'm starting to be able to get through a normal day again! So I guess it takes a full week to recover from your first round of chemo.  I would not say I'm totally recovered because my mouth is still a mess and my insomnia sucks and bone pains are still happening. But, I have a wonderful dentist that prescribed me something that will help with the mouth issues and I am going to try it out tonight.

There are probably about a 100 other things  I could have listed that happens when you start feeling the side effects of chemo.  I've connected with a relative I didn't know I had that is going through this and she is in her 30s as well. It helps to talk to people and hear that everything that is happening is "normal", although it still sucks. The doctors only tell you so much because they just don't think of everything during that time we sit with them in the office.  They forget to tell you that your internal plumbing is going to be an issue and to make sure you start something to keep that going! They forget to tell you that you will have serious insomnia and that you will go into moments of depression that are intense. I am always on the edge of crying and every so often something will make me lose it and I just get pissed off. Just writing this puts a lump in my throat and tear in my eye because I know I have so much ahead of me still.

Chemo is by far one of  the worst things to ever have to go through. All I beg is that people put early screening on their to do list and not on their procrastination list.  If  I didn't catch this when I did on November 21st, it wouldn't be caught until next year or year after when I could have a mammogram....by then I would be a lot worse off.

Cancer has changed my entire life in so many ways. We all know we are going to die one day and it could happen sitting in your living room or driving to work.  But when you're diagnosed with your own mortality it really slows things down. Everything is different,  even the wind feels different when I step outside. I thought that I took nothing for granted before and I was wrong because now I appreciate the simplest things that most of us just drive by and ignore. I used to think that doing my hair was such a hassle and now I enjoy it because it will be gone soon! I took so much for granted and I'll never do that again.

Today I took some advice from some true warriors out there and decided to get a shorter haircut. I think it was good for me to rejuvenate a little and feel good about myself. I decided tonight that I am going to take advantage of the next week or so and get out and do things while I still don't look like a cancer patient! Plus I need to be sure to get out and do things any time that I feel up to it.

My first haircut before the real doozie in a week or so!

Thanks for reading and check your ta tas!

Round 1 of 8 is DONE!

The anticipation of starting chemo is finally over and I made it through the first round. Dave came down with a cold and wasn't able to make it to my first round so Laura was my chemo partner/cheerleader at Moffitt for the day. I think it worked out best being there with someone who, unfortunately, knows the process first hand.  TY LAURA! Laura and Rich surprised me when they showed up as Rich was in his Pink Heals bunker gear! He was a huge hit and put a smile on so many faces! I felt special for sure! They also brought roses, a poster from Tatum, gifts, and a hug from Noah.  They took it to the top and I am sure it made this first round easier.

Blood work started at about 8:30 then I had appointment with my Oncologist. I think I got into infusion at about 11:30 and lasted about 3 hours.  So it's a long day! With all the anticipation of the unknown makes it seem like you are just walking around on another planet.

Laura said I handled my first round like a champ but I give all the credit to my supporters out there. I truly have some of the best support a woman could ask for.  We also got suckered into doing a stress relieve session in the waiting area that was strange but it worked....I think!  Here on the right is a picture of Laura and as you can see we were "bag ladies"! We had so much stuff!! It looked like we were moving into Moffitt.


This picture to the right is me getting the drug they call "Red Devil" or doxorubicin (see, it's red and it will make you pee red too!). The nurse has to sit there and pump it in manually.  It causes necrosis if administered too quickly so they won't use the drip to deliver it. Prior to this they pumped my up with a couple other meds, including anti-nausea, which is awesome!  Then I took Cyclophosphamide through the drip. It took about 3 hours once I got back there and then went home to relax. Honestly I felt like a champion when I left, as if I could be productive.  But that changed a few hours later and I felt WEIRD!

After doing a few things around the house when I got home I started feeling fatigued and full of strange feelings.  I don't know how to explain them to people that haven't had treatment before. You just feel like shit, honestly! But I have meds that help with how I feel and eventually was able to fall asleep around midnight! Then in the morning I had the feeling like you get from a long weekend of drinking with your friends minus the fun. It was similar to an awful hangover.

Lucky for me I have some great dogs that just want to cuddle when they know you need it!! I had my Hunter (bestest black lab ever) and Pumpkin (awesome dogo girl). You gotta love how dogs just know when you're not right.

Randomly throughout the week I get things that really cheer me up from family and friends.  They seem to come at a time when I may be feeling down and it's really sweet. I like to do the same for others but I really need to step up my game knowing now how much it does mean to be on the receiving end. Below is just one of many cards that two sweet girls that belong to a great old friend of mine. Notice in this one they gave me a pink streak in my hair, gotta love them!

We expect our family and friends to help and mine have gone above and beyond to show me their support and I GREATLY appreciate it!  I also appreciate all the contact from friends I haven't talked to in years. It's good to know that no matter the distance, friends are always friends.  This hasn't been easy and I hear a lot of you tell me that they find me to be so strong and inspiring.  I find this very flattering and unexpected! I just hope that we all understand that just because someone is strong, it doesn't mean that this comes easy for them. We all have our battles and for me I just have a new one to fight so I can get my life back!

Got My Armor (My Port)

Last week was awesome because it was free of appointments and procedures. I enjoyed every bit of it and one of my besties came over for the weekend to deep clean my house! I truly have some of the BEST FRIENDS!!

I did some research so I was prepared for getting this port put in my body and found other blogs that were a great help. For me it wasn't so bad because the people at Moffitt tend to make everything pleasant as much as they can. When I got to Moffitt at 7:30AM they did a blood draw and sent me up to Radiology for the procedure.  There were about 50 people in the waiting area for blood draw at that time but I got put on STAT to keep my procedure on schedule.  I just can't believe how BUSY it is there!  It's like the lines waiting to get good sales for Black Friday, unbelievable.

Next they went over everything in great detail and started my IV.  Dave thought this was cool and related it to a quick disconnect, like we use in hydraulics. He went on to tell the nurse that he could do all this.  He did it to horses and so this should be about the same.  You just smack the area and then hit it with the needle......well, not on me you won't!

In the OR it was freezing and then they prepped me with even colder sterile blue liquid and dressings. My anesthesiologist started the cocktail to put me in a twilight zone and it didn't do anything. So he gave me another round of it and still, nothing happened....I was wide awake and coherent.  Then he shot me up a third time and I remember nothing. When I came to he was messing with my IV and I told him "it's still not working....".  He laughed and told me they were done and I'm about to head to recovery!

 

There was really nothing to it and I felt nothing until the meds wore off when I got home. I took it easy the rest of the day and relaxed for a change. Here is a picture when I got home showing the bandages. They put the port just under my collar bone and then the catheter runs up and into my Jugular Vein, which then dumps into my heart. Crazy huh?! They use a port because the chemo is too much for the veins in your arm.  The chemo could leak out of them and be toxic to the surrounding tissues so this is why a port is used.  Not every cancer patient has the same chemo and they all have similar and different side effects. They will monitor my heart on a regular basis to make sure it remains healthy enough for treatment. Apparently  the drugs I will be on is very hard on the heart.  I bought a BP Monitor and stethoscope so I can listen on my own too! And for those who know me, the stethoscope I bought is purple :).



Today, 2 days later, I took off their bandages.  The area was SO DARN ITCHY I couldn't take it anymore.  Well, I see now that I must be allergic to that particular adhesive because it's red and my skin is very tender with small sores.  SO, it doesn't hurt where they put a foreign object in my body......it was the sticker they used that hurt! I guess I need to find out what that was and make sure they don't use it again! Here I am on the right with just the Steri-Strips over the incision.  I forget what they used to keep it closed but then there is some internal stitches that stay inside until they take it out.

I new friend told me that this port is part of my armor for the fight, I thought that was a good analogy! I think my biggest concern is keeping my dogs from jumping on it and hurting me. I love them so much and hate that I have to be more careful around them now. My Labrador isn't the problem, it's my Dogos that want to climb on me and compete for a hug.

Getting my port in did put me back into reality of what I'm about to face. I start with my first round of chemo on Tuesday and so I have hair until about the end of the month! I am "happy" to get started and get this garbage out of my body. But to be totally honest, I am scared as well! I don't know how I will react and I worry about my body feeling weak. This is going to be hell but my life is worth it so I'll do what it takes.