PAMELA FIGHTS IN PINK!: Chemo #4 finished and I'm half way done!

I will have to admit yesterday was a weak day for me although I was happy about it breaking the halfway point for chemo. And this was the last time I would get the AC treatment that is very rough (moving on to Taxol for 4 more rounds). My 39th birthday was the day before so my husband and I celebrated by doing a one night staycation at the Grand Hyatt in Tampa. I know it's weird to spend money at a local hotel but it's the only way we can truly somewhat "relax". I knew my birthday would be one of my feel good days and so I take advantage of that when I can! So we checked out of the hotel at about 8:30 AM and headed to Moffitt on Tuesday morning. Dave was ranting about some nonsense going on with work and all I could think about is how much I did not want to get another infusion. I had anxiety and my stomach was turning to the point I just burst into tears. I think it throws him off when that happens but you can only hold it in for so long. He told me to "rub some dirt on it"! That's is token statement for just about anything and it's funny just because it's him and his way of dealing with this uncomfortable situation. We talked about what I was feeling and he got me to calm down and focus on being half way done with this hurdle.

I was still fighting back tears the entire morning and it was tough. I know so many of you comment about how strong I am through this but there are times where I just hit a weak point. I try to focus on the positives to get me through it but the feelings are still there and hard to fight sometimes. After meeting with my nurse and oncologist (who are both amazing!) I felt a little better because I got some good news. She had a hard time finding my tumor and so it is already shrinking with just 3 rounds! I can still feel it and the size has reduced quite a bit. She also told me I may not have to do radiation.....whoooh hoooo! It truly depends on what they find during surgery but I will stay hopeful until then. I also got my first appointment scheduled with my reconstructive surgeon so that makes me feel like I'm moving on to the next step of this journey.

This last round did kick my ass and I'll admit it. Each time I learn new ways to deal with the side effects or even better prepare myself so they aren't as bad. For example I know that I will get an awful metallic taste in my mouth for about a week and to help this I need to eat pickles! And I love pickles, especially the homemade ones my Aunt Tracy brought over last weekend!! I also know that I WILL get mouth and throat sores and now I use a new mouthwash prescription along with saltwater and Biotene. But I first have to put on Blistex so my lips won't burn when I do any of this (lips are thin and often chapped). I will spare you the details of the constipation! Hopefully I will manage that better this time with some changes I've made so I'll put those tips in my next blog.

A lot of you ask why my eyebrows and eyelashes haven't fallen out. Well they started slowly coming out the last few days. That type of hair cycles much slower than the hair on our head so you get to keep them a little longer. I did learn from a woman yesterday that her eyelashes and brows grew in even fuller so there's a benefit to chemo.

Cancer sure has changed my life and I think it's changed some things for the better. I take advantage of the days or moments when I feel good and truly appreciate that time. I've realized that life is already short and knowing mine could have been shorter makes me appreciate even the littlest things! I do a lot more reading now and I want to make life changes so that I'm around even longer and that cancer doesn't come back! I don't see myself going full vegan or anything but I have changed my outlook on the foods we consume. If you ever want to watch a good documentary about foods checkout Food, Inc., Food Matters, Forks Over Knives, etc on Netflix.......and it will open your eyes!

Here's a few pictures (selifies) I snapped after round 3. I hope to look back on all this next year and curious to how it will make me feel. I am so blessed with all the support I have out there to the point I feel guilty! I just wish everyone going through this or those that went through this get the support I do. My mom even got a tattoo in honor of me......and she cut her long hair! I get gifts from people I haven't seen since high school and that is truly touching. My friend's little girl even cut her hair to show support and donated it as well. I'm simply amazed at the support and I can't think of enough words to express my gratitude.