On the day of chemo I felt fine and was tired that night. They amp you up on so many drugs that you don't have a clue what is real and what isn't. I'm so grateful for anti-nausea meds because I don't know how they went through this and vomited the entire time. Kudos to all those out there that didn't have the luxury of anti-nausea meds or if those meds didn't work, you are the real warriors! Later that night I was very edgy and uncomfortable. Then I checked my BP and it went all the way up to 201/110 and my HR was at a steady 85 bpm. This is all very high for me and had me so on edge that I could barely sleep. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and it was a bit scary. I get a lot of night sweats now and need to often get up and change so I can go back to bed comfortable - unlike!
On DAY 1 after chemo it was difficult to wake up, I was EXHAUSTED! I hate waking up in the morning anyway so it was only compounded by being drugged to death with toxins! I had NO appetite (totally not like me!) and found myself struggling to eat a piece of cinnamon toast and some applesauce. I drank a lot of water and I've started drinking a lot of hot teas. At about 1pm I realized I almost forgot that I had to go back to the hospital and get my Neulasta shot. When I used to take shots it was tequila or something fun, now it's crap that is going to just hurt! After my shot I had an craving for Chick Fil A nuggets and so I got some and headed to work. I made it about 4 hours at work then went home exhausted and at about 10pm the aches and pains started from that shot. I felt radiating type pains in my ankles, teeth, forearms, legs, hips......all very annoying. On the upside, my BP and HR went back to normal about 24 hours post chemo.
On DAY 2 I was sluggish getting up but made it to work by about 9am but left before lunch because I just didn't have it in me to be there. I am so overwhelmed with the treatment and then all the stress at work just overcame me so I had to leave. I felt a great deal of depression that day and just felt like I was in a shell. Then my bestie sent me a edible arrangement that totally hit the spot and was just what I needed to eat, made my day!
On DAY 3 I hated waking up again and did not feel like a human being at all. I found that I actually like Ensure and was able to put that down, yay! At lunch I found out that one of my favorite soups from Crispers now tasted like blended cardboard and that sucks. My tastes are a total mess and hopefully it actually has a benefit so that I lose some weight! Today I noticed that my eyesight is getting blurry and that it's harder to focus. Text on the computer seems hazy and almost 3D, yikes! This was a rough day for me and I left the office early because I had issues completing the simplest things and got frustrated. Then the Tinnitus started kicking in more so than ever. Sounded like an orchestra was in my head.
On DAY 4 it was Saturday and I woke up feeling the most normal since pre-treatment! My sister was in town and my dad was on his way in to help and be there with me. My good friend Stacy came over to help with chores around the house and helped me realize that I now love white cheddar Mac N Cheese! I actually was able to be productive but every so often a feeling of complete exhaustion would happen that demands I take a break! Oh, and I found out that I could not drink coffee (what?!) or cranberry juice.....it tasted like dirty dishwater! Overall this was a pretty good day but keep in mind that I never felt 100%. Now when I say I feel "good" it is actually about a 50-75%, I don't know when I will feel 100% good again but I am looking forward to it. Today was when my mouth sores started along with a lump in my throat, which totally sucks. The cracks of my mouth are open sores and I can't open my mouth so it's hard to eat. Thankfully someone invented popsicles because those feel amazing when your mouth feels this way. The inside of my mouth feels pasty and as if I've never brushed my teeth in my life.
On DAY 5 I really got tired of the sore mouth icky feeling then the corners actually seemed to throb like they have their own heartbeat, bazaar. Again I woke up in the middle of the night hot as hell and had to change my clothes. I noticed today that my skin is starting to feel and look different. I like the way it feels, it's very smooth. But it looks blotchy and it looks sick to me. I can see every pour and it's more oily than normal so I did a masque and I continue to keep it moisturized using Eminence products. I absolutely love that line of skin care and it's all organic so it's easy on your skin.
On DAY 6 and 7.....I'm starting to be able to get through a normal day again! So I guess it takes a full week to recover from your first round of chemo. I would not say I'm totally recovered because my mouth is still a mess and my insomnia sucks and bone pains are still happening. But, I have a wonderful dentist that prescribed me something that will help with the mouth issues and I am going to try it out tonight.
There are probably about a 100 other things I could have listed that happens when you start feeling the side effects of chemo. I've connected with a relative I didn't know I had that is going through this and she is in her 30s as well. It helps to talk to people and hear that everything that is happening is "normal", although it still sucks. The doctors only tell you so much because they just don't think of everything during that time we sit with them in the office. They forget to tell you that your internal plumbing is going to be an issue and to make sure you start something to keep that going! They forget to tell you that you will have serious insomnia and that you will go into moments of depression that are intense. I am always on the edge of crying and every so often something will make me lose it and I just get pissed off. Just writing this puts a lump in my throat and tear in my eye because I know I have so much ahead of me still.
Chemo is by far one of the worst things to ever have to go through. All I beg is that people put early screening on their to do list and not on their procrastination list. If I didn't catch this when I did on November 21st, it wouldn't be caught until next year or year after when I could have a mammogram....by then I would be a lot worse off.
Cancer has changed my entire life in so many ways. We all know we are going to die one day and it could happen sitting in your living room or driving to work. But when you're diagnosed with your own mortality it really slows things down. Everything is different, even the wind feels different when I step outside. I thought that I took nothing for granted before and I was wrong because now I appreciate the simplest things that most of us just drive by and ignore. I used to think that doing my hair was such a hassle and now I enjoy it because it will be gone soon! I took so much for granted and I'll never do that again.
Today I took some advice from some true warriors out there and decided to get a shorter haircut. I think it was good for me to rejuvenate a little and feel good about myself. I decided tonight that I am going to take advantage of the next week or so and get out and do things while I still don't look like a cancer patient! Plus I need to be sure to get out and do things any time that I feel up to it.
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| My first haircut before the real doozie in a week or so! |
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