Heading into a new journey

For the past few weeks I've been dealing with the unknown regarding my recent diagnosis......it's been a long few weeks!  The Friday before Thanksgiving I felt a lump in my left breast while watching TV.  It was itchy over the couple weeks prior but I thought it was a bruise from my dogs jumping on me all the time (I have a lot of dogs!).  Regardless, I called my doctor the following Monday and she confirmed that there was indeed a lump.  A week later I had a mammogram and ultrasound scheduled at Moffitt.  I went alone thinking they will take images and I'll be on my way.  Low and behold and 3 hours later a doctor walks in to tell me "you have a very suspicious mass that we need you to follow up on right away".  Well, that wasn't expected and took me by surprise. I got dressed, teared up, and left fearing what this could mean.

I had a biopsy done later that week and then found out the following Tuesday morning that I have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. I asked her about 4 times to repeat it because it just sounded like she was mumbling into the phone, looking back it was probably because I was in disbelief! Next I did some more tests to get some more answers as to what is going on in my body.  During this time I had a few breakdowns with my husband, mainly just in fear of the unknown.  But on a daily basis I was just scared to not know what stage this cancer is in. It kinda feels like you're hanging by the last string on a rope dangling over a cliff and I DID NOT LIKE IT.

Today I got some news! Aside from having cancer, it was good news.  Funny how "good news" has a different meaning to me now. Based on the tests it appears that my cancer has NOT metastasized - this is the good news! Now the bad news is that the type of cancer I have is aggressive and what they call "triple negative", which means it is not one of the ones linked to the HER2 or hormone receptors: estrogen or progesterone. On the bright side, this aggressive form of breast cancer responds well to treatment. But on the downside, treatment is not fun and I'm not looking forward to it. I will have to say that the doctors and nurses at Moffitt have been great to us and I am confident they will take good care of me. It is pretty weird to whip out my breasts for everyone and get examined like a pillow! I am a modest person so this is just bizarre to make this a routine with all these strange medical professionals! But, I'm not the first to do this and we all know I won't be the last either, unfortunately.

Next week I go for a bone and CT scan to get started on the work to head into chemo and radiation. We decided it's best to get started on systematic treatment now in case there are any cells that decided to take a trip elsewhere in by body. This also buys me some time to figure out what type of surgery I want to do and I can learn about all of the options. I am doing the genetic testing because the molecular biologist in me is just too curious, even though they don't feel it's genetic.

So I mentioned the last few weeks have been long and now I know I have an even longer road ahead of me. I am scared to death and not sure what to expect, even though so many have shared their stories with me.....it's still scary.  I'm nervous to lose my hair and deal with the side effects, none of which will be fun (except if I get to lose a few pounds!). I may even buy a bunch of different wigs just to have a little fun with it, and yes I will have a pink wig!! I have my moments of feeling angry about this, then times where I have little patience, then times where I am just mentally and physically tired. I do think cancer is just bullshit and hate that so many have to go through it. I wonder about what I have done that caused it to show up in me.  I wonder if I could have prevented it. I will never know these answers but it's still something to think about.

Although I have cancer and having cancer sucks.......I have a ton of support that will keep my chin up through this fight.  My husband is more than amazing and I am so lucky to have him by my side. My mom, dad, and sister have been so supportive and I know they are here for me along with all my friends, family, colleagues, employees, and other survivors! Over the past 4 1/2 years I've been a cheerleader for my best friend Laura as she's battled stage IV colon cancer, and now we are going to be fighters together. We've been friends since 1981 and she's been an inspiration to so many of us.  Now that both of us are kicking cancer's ass I think the odds are on our side. I'm ready to get started and can't wait to look back on this a year from now as we are celebrating my recovery!