PAMELA FIGHTS IN PINK!: Cancer Changed Me

Enjoying a beautiful Texas sunset after a great day of turkey hunting

People who have faced a death defying battle seem to have a different outlook on life. At least this is what us cancer survivors share in common but I'm know there are plenty of other experiences that do this to people. I don't think it's a bad thing or a good thing but the possibility of life being cut shorter than expected does change perspective. I just don't have the energy to let every little misfortune bother me. We tend to not flip out over things that really don't matter. If we get lost or miss a turn on our way somewhere we tend to accept that as part of the journey getting there! For those that know me know that I'm constantly doing dumb shit: leaving my phone behind, throwing my keys in the garbage, losing shopping bags while I'm still shopping, leaving wet paint out for puppies to trample through and leave paw prints on new carpet, getting on the wrong road in my own hometown (on a regular basis), and driving off while gas nozzle was still in my gas tank! I can honestly admit that I have plenty of dumb ass moments but thankfully I can laugh at myself. However, most of the time inconveniences in life are beyond our control anyway so getting pissed off isn't going to make it any better.

Don't take this the wrong way and think we just tolerate the nonsense out there, we just don't let our blood boil every time plans or expectations change. To me, life is too short to be pissed off about not getting the right entree served to me at a restaurant, just ask them to make it right. Think about this, we are fortunate to have that problem! There are people on this planet right now....while you are reading this....who can only focus on hunger. They go to bed hungry and wake up hungry without any means to eat. If you don't believe me try reading Escape From Camp 14 or In Order To Live. No its not your fault, but it is a reality and I can't get upset when a server takes too long to serve me! I am so fortunate and I know that my problems could be so much worse than the fact that something isn't going my way.

I don't think I'm the only one who became more humbled after cancer. Maybe it is that I literally beat death. Maybe it is how my dignity was compromised by not having control of going bald and being weak to cutting off body parts that were are part of me! Maybe it's a combination of things and surely some of it is having survivor's guilt. We have this if we've watched a close friend or family member suffer through the same disease. I even hear military people speak of it when their friend was taken on the battlefield and they feel guilt that it wasn't them instead. Survivors guilt will make you appreciate how fragile our existence is and how to better appreciate the time we get to be a part of it. I would bet some of you are nodding your head right now just knowing what this feels like and who you are feeling it for. Its extremely emotional, no doubt in my mind.

So I learned to appreciate the painted beige puppy prints on the new dark brown carpet. For me, this is a reminder of my foster puppies rescued from 2 separate kill shelters now living with families and getting to live and love life! I did try to get most of the paint removed but there are a few prints that just wanted to stay as a memory for now.

My one of a kind rug painted by Callie

This is the foster pup that likes to paint my rug.

PS...
Coincidentally as I was trying to post this two days ago we nearly missed our connecting flight! Then our plane needed a repair before leaving the gate which set us back so that severe storms halted flights while we were on the runway about to take off! Not a thing we can do but only hope we get home safe, and we did. My next post will be about this trip and let you know more about me being a subject in a new study to detect cancer reoccurance by blood tests!!!