3 Weeks After DMX!!!

Don't worry about the title, DMX is not referring to the the rapper!  DMX is short for "double mastectomy" for those new to this type of lingo.  Also, BC is short for "breast cancer" and these are acronyms I've learned while talking to my BC sisters through Facebook or texts. This experience has led me to meet some amazing women out there that are true fighters. Actually......some of them are simply online friends but I'm amazed by how much support travels through the internet. I recently joined a Facebook group for Triple Negative Breast Cancer (TNBC) Survivors and it's been a great outlet for me to learn from the experienced survivors and offer help to the current fighters. It seems that all I want to do now is reach out and help someone that is going through diagnosis phase, treatment, or surgery. I'm not alone because it seems like every BC sister wants to help another BC sister! We rock.

Me and Laura going to my appointment!

I should have posted last week but it was tough to just play Candy Crush on my iPad, let alone type and think straight. In my last blog I talked about the drains and I can't emphasize in words how awful they were! However, I was blessed to just have 2 drains because I saw where some get up to 6 of them. Not only are they disgusting...they are painful too! I don't think we are meant to have tubes sticking out of our bodies. My left side stopped draining and started swelling making me look even more strange. I went for my post op follow up on day 11 and when my surgeon pulled that tube out it had tissue at the end so it wasn't draining right. YES...they just pull the tubes on out like it's no big deal! My bestie, and colon cancer fighter, Laura was there to witness this nasty event. It sorta felt like something crawling as the tubes were being pulled out. I don't have a lot of feeling so it is just a strange sensation, but at least it didn't hurt. Afterwords I felt like a free woman, it was great!

Pumpkin giving me some snuggles while we nap

My pain level just 11 days out was still fairly significant but they are against prescribing more narcotics in efforts to not make us addicts. I'm not sure how much I agree because sometimes the pain is beyond Tylenol or Advil capabilities but....whatever. I started taking Advil and Aleve to find out a week later that they were causing me to have gastroenteritis/colitis, which is just great. No more Ibuprofen/NSAIDS for me, my body hates them and now I do too.  At this point (3 weeks post op) my pain has gone down quite a bit and I'm taking extra strength Tylenol. I save the prescription meds for when I can't tolerate it anymore. This surgery causes all kinds of pain - sharp, dull, hypersensitivity, pulling, aching, tightness, and stabbing. The expanders were placed under the muscle so this causes a sharp/dull/shooting pain from the ribs. These expanders bulge out on my sides so that area is sore and I try not to put my arms down all the way. They are uncomfortable and my chest felt like it had a long 2x4 in it, but this is all temporary and it will get better.  The nerve pain is the worst! They sever so many nerves that it causes them to fire at all times and it can drive you crazy. It makes some areas hypersensitive and I can't stand clothes touching my skin (upper chest, sides, under arms, back). Weird things happen like if I rub the back of my head it causes nerves in my chest to fire.....this happens when I wash my forearms too. It feels like a little bit of electricity flushing through my body. I hope this is temporary and gets better as my nerves get accustomed to my body's new landscape!

I could write an entire book about this surgery because there is so much I want to share with everyone. The physical aspects are more than I expected and then there's the emotional part as well.  I'm reluctant to post of picture of my chest even though it's just skin with two 4" vertical sutures where I once had breasts. I just haven't built up the courage to share this and I applaud the woman who have.  It's not pretty or attractive whatsoever but I know that it's temporary as I go through the reconstructive process. Honestly, I thought this would have me in tears all the time but it wasn't until 9 days post op that I shed a tear because of my new look. I was trying so hard to stay positive but the pain, tightness, discomfort, and frustrations finally got to me so I had my moment! 

First pic of my flat chest!

At this point each day is better than the one before. My range of motion is coming back and I can almost reach my nightstand without hurting myself. It nearly took 3 weeks to lift my arms high enough to put deodorant on so I used baby powder....carefully. Because of the expanders I still can't sleep on my sides and apparently I won't be able to do that for awhile....damnit.  It's getting easier to cough but sneezing is still an issue! My entire breast area is totally numb but this is a good thing, trust me. The best way to explain this feeling is it is just like after leaving the dentist when your lip feels like it's 3" thick....that's how my breast area feels. This is good because when I go to get my boobs filled with saline in the upcoming weeks I won't feel the needle sticking me!

There is so much more I need to share so expect more blogs to come related to this DMX experience. I hope this blog brings another level of understanding to what we go through to fight BC. Chemotherapy was tough but going through a double mastectomy is no joke either! All I had to do was a lumpectomy but there are too many women out there that regret not doing a DMX the first time around. I have no regrets on my decision to tackle this disease with chemo and a DMX. I also wouldn't change my diagnosis if I could. I know it's caused a lot of pain and grief for me and my loved ones but it's changed my life.....in a good way.

Moxy cuddling with me, makes this easier.

More healing pics with Pumpkin

Pumpkin helping me with PT exercises!

Post DOUBLE MASTECTOMY!

Limited breast cancer USF jersey a friend won at an auction for me.

Today is almost exactly one week since my double mastectomy and I am still getting used to my "new look"! The morning of my surgery they did 4 injections of radioactive dye into my left breast. This dye will filter to the first lymph nodes that drain lymph from the breast. The surgeons had to add another dye to interact with this radioactive dye so they can visualize which lymph nodes are considered to be the sentinel nodes and remove them. The good news is that these nodes came back cancer free, which meant that they didn't have to remove more lymph nodes!!  This also meant that I will not undergo radiation and they were able to insert my expanders to start my reconstructive surgery. I was so happy to hear this news.

The new me!

I was in surgery for 4 +/-  hours as my family anxiously watched the OR Patient Status board for updates throughout my procedure. As I was rolled into the OR I tried to just take it all in and observe everything around me. They didn't let me do that for very long because next think I saw was my anesthesiologist putting a mask over my face.....I think I was able to count to 2.  From there on I was OUT OF IT!! I remember waking up as they rolled my in my room where everyone was waiting. It sure did feel good to have such a big support crew standing by my side all day through this. They turned it into a little party because someone brought travel size Vodka and Captain Morgan bottles along with some Redds beer! I heard my bestie's husband, Rich, was responsible for this. My people know how to have a good time I guess but they deserve it after a looooong day at the hospital. Plus I was all hopped up on morphine so they needed to be on my level in some way.

Picture time after surgery w/ family

It didn't take long for me to take look down at my chest.. ....... yup they were GONE! They put pink "binder" on me which is the hospital version of a halter top. Since they used internal sutures and Dermabond I don't have any dressing over the incisions.  I thought this would be mortifying for me to see but it really isn't that bad. I also thought about how I'll look now that I'm bald and flat. But this is temporary, that is what I must remind myself!

My 2-night stay at the hospital was pleasant and I had a lot of visitors. My nurses were all great...except for one that didn't seem to fit in with the Moffitt standards but oh well. The techs in nuclear medicine forgot to tell me that my urine would be electric green so that was a huge surprise to me when I was able to go to the bathroom that first time. It was definitely a shocker and even more odd that it turned turquoise and at one point it was purple in the commode!

My body has become a FULL TIME job since surgery. Not to mention that I need a full time caregiver with me because I'm not allowed to do anything. I called about pain the other day and the nurse told me to stop doing so much and sit still......so I am following directions now! I am on a schedule of meds that I would never remember with the use of the Dosecast app on my phone. I have tubes hanging from my drain sites that dump into grenade-like containers all day. Throughout the day we have to drain the tubes then measure the amount of fluid in the grenades. Once I drain less than 30cc per day for 2 days then the drains can come off. The sites where the tubes come out of my body are extremely sore and uncomfortable........they get removed in 4 more days I hope!

Me at hospital with a swollen lip from the tubes during surgery!

One of my drain ports under my arm

One of my drain "grenades". 

This surgery is no joke but I am still standing behind my decision. Too many women that had a lumpectomy have told me their regrets not having a double mastectomy and that helped me decide.  I have a lot of pain that never seems to go away no matter how many pain pills I take. It feels like there's an elephant on my chest and tennis balls under my armpits but this is all a part of my battle to get rid of cancer for good! The strangest feeling I have now is my chest is numb. I can relate it to how your lip feels thick after getting Novocain from your dentist.....well my entire chest feels that way!

I am exactly one week post surgery and thought I'd be more back to normal. I still need pain meds and I think the discomfort at the drain sites is worse now than it was originally. In another week I think my condition will be much better so I am looking forward to that because recovering from surgery is NOT FUN! I am so thankful for my caregivers that wait on me hand and foot because I could not get through this on my own.

My husband has been awesome trying to be with me while handling business all at the same time. Our lives are beyond overfilled and we definitely did not have time to fit breast cancer in our schedule! Here is a picture of him while I was waiting to go to OR. My bestie Laura took the pic and thought maybe they gave him the anesthesia. This reminds me.....while I was laying in bed the other night he rolled over and punched me in the right boob (or area where there once was a boob)! You know this never happens unless you just had surgery in that area!

Picture time before surgery

I get lots of love!!

Thanks for reading and I appreciate all the support out there, xoxoxo!

Night before the big surgery!

It's the day before my big day to remove my ta ta's that I've had my whole life! It is such a weird feeling to count down the days of needing to wear a bra. After today I will be flat and once I get the new boobs I'm hoping I won't need to wear one! I am excited about getting this tumor OUT OF MY BODY but at the same time I have some feelings that make me anxious. I know it will all go as planned but I've never had a surgery this major before. Plus it is strange to know they are taking something that makes me a woman. People can say what they want to make me feel better but it's the truth, and to be honest the feeling is strange.

Tomorrow I get to Moffitt at 9am and they will inject my breast with dye and and take some images to see what lymph nodes take up this dye first.  Those are considered to be the sentinel lymph nodes and they will all be removed during my surgery (double mastectomy). Once removed they will run some more tests on them right away to see if they show any signs of cancer. If they come back positive then they will remove all my axilla lymph nodes and do the mastectomy then sew me back up. Once recovered I would have to undergo radiation. BUT if all goes as planned and hoped, the lymph nodes will come back negative and they will do the mastectomy and insert expanders in place of my breasts. Over the next 4-5 months they will fill my expanders until they are full size.  Once full I have to wait about 6-8 weeks before getting my permanent implants. The good thing about getting expanders put in is that I get to test drive my boob size before putting in the implants!

Expander and implant options

Above is a picture of the expander (left) that I explained above.  I chose the middle implant over the one on the right.  That one on the right is actually teardrop shaped for a more natural look. Honestly I want them to look fake! And I definitely don't want them to have any drooping! I've had enough of that the past 10+ years already, now it's time to get new ones.

I'll be in the hospital all weekend and plan to check out some time on Sunday if all goes as planned. Then I get to go home and recover with the help of my husband, family, and friends. The part I fear the most if recovery and feeling pain and discomfort....NOT looking forward to that. But this is all a part of the fight and I will do whatever it takes so that I can live my life again. 

Speaking of living life....last weekend my hubby and I went to Key West for 3 days. IT WAS AWESOME!! We flew this time and realized that we will never do the 8+ hour drive again. Our time was mainly spent relaxing but we did get out to have some drinks and enjoy ourselves. We usually do this trip every summer and I had to squeeze it in before my surgery and I am so glad I did. I'm also glad I got a hot stone massage while I was there (Jala Spa @ Hyatt Key West), it was fabulous.  AND my massage therapist sent chocolate covered strawberries to my room afterwards. Now that's good service!  I really enjoyed my time between chemo graduation and surgery and I recommend that everyone else going through this does the same!

Chocolate covered strawberries for me!!!

Dinner at the Conch Republic, great place, good music :)

Our first stop was here at Hog's Breath Saloon.

Thanks for reading and once I'm feeling better I will post an update. I asked my sister to record me after I come out of anesthesia so that may be on my next post if it's appropriate!