How To Love A Cancer Patient

Me on my 39th Birthday

Being a fighter is the only option and it's something that I feel is instinct to me. It's how I was raised and thankfully I found a husband that shares this same philosophy.  That doesn't mean it's easy and it doesn't mean that sometimes you just want to scream!

I feel so vulnerable and weak compared to my normal self and find it ironic when people comment on how strong I am through all this. I feel anything but strong and constantly think about how I can handle it better. My purpose of this post is to share some of the emotional challenges we face day to day.  And by using "we" I mean anyone who has gone through this emotional roller coaster caused by cancer. I want those who haven't gone through chemo to get a better understanding of what is really going on. Hopefully in doing this, you won't get offended or upset when someone you love bites your head off over something they would normally brush off or turn into a joke. I'm sure I make comments that would upset or offend at times....but I don't mean any harm!

The Challenge of Eating

Chemo changed my appetite and tastes of foods and drinks. This is frustrating because I know eating is important yet it sucked to eat! An example would be when my sister made dinner over the weekend. I gave her a crockpot chicken taco recipe and she went with it.  We got home, the house smelled like dinner, and I was looking forward to eating.  Then I tried to eat it.......and all I could think was that it tasted like catfood. Not that I ever ate catfood but I'm sure this is what it was like! Luckily she has thick skin and I don't think she was offended but I was just trying to describe what it was like to me. My taste buds were shot, I mean totally shot this time. I taste nothing and so it's hard to eat anything at this point. I'm sure dinner was great but I couldn't enjoy it and that is a bit frustrating to me. On top of the fact that I WAS HUNGRY and really can't put anything down! So, I tried chocolate ice cream and that was really gross.  Anyone who knows me also knows that I love chocolate so now we can confirm that I'm not making this stuff up! So if you know someone going through this and they make comments that may upset you about your food, just think of the entire picture of what is going on and it will make more sense.

Chemo Brain!

Keep in mind that a chemo patient is not only dealing with the ticking time bomb inside their body.....they are dealing with all the side effects of chemo and the drugs.  We may look ok on the outside but on the inside we don't feel 100%...EVER! We often don't make sense when we respond to your question or comment but it's probably because we are not processing it correctly with so much going on. I thought it was hard to remember things before, but now I can't remember anything! I recently lost my keys for 4 days and finally remembered they may have been left at the pharmacy.....and they were. My short term memory is only working part time these days.  This can be frustrating for others since they have to always remind me of recent events. Chemo Brain is FOR REAL! It makes us have weird interpretations of the simplest conversation and then this miscommunication may turn into an argument. Trust me, if that happens just drop the subject because there is no resolution to this. There will be another time to talk about it when the chemo brain is thinking more rationally!

Who Am I?

We are going to be a different person from what you are used to and this is caused by a lot of different factors. The chemo has side effects....a BUNCH of them! It does things to the body that are just awful. I feel like chemo should be used as a form of punishment over jail time, for real! I am pretty sure that if they said you do 8 rounds of chemo or some jail time that I would be incarcerated! Then we take more drugs along with the chemo such as steroids, pain meds, anxiety meds, nausea meds, and meds to help with the side effects of these meds.......no joke. In addition to all of this, the GI tract now has regularity issues so you have to take meds for that and then more meds for indigestion. I think the reason we get chemo brain forgetfulness is because we are always trying to figure out what meds to take at what time. Then when you need to leave the house you need to try and remember everything you need to take with you along like meds, lotion, Blistex, cuticle oil, eye drops, vasoline (great for nose dryness), etc. So we have a lot going on and it's something to consider when you know someone going through this. A moment doesn't go by when I'm not thinking about something related to my cancer. I  know already that I'm not the person I used to be and who knows what I'll be like after this is over. This is a life changer so don't be surprised if someone you know changes a little during or after cancer treatment. I got a card from my friend's little girls that said "If things didn't change then we wouldn't have butterflies", and that certainly says it all right there.

Having a Hot Flash:

I forgot to mention that some of us end up going through menopause as well. Although men don't go through menopause per say, I would think they may go through something similar as the chemo destroys cells in their body too. This definitely makes the hormones go whacky and cause some serious mood swings. You become a monster and when it happens to me I just get mad at myself for not having the control to stop myself from being a jerk! It's frustrating to be comfortable one moment and a minute later I feel like a turkey in an oven. This is why I like to keep my A/C low at all times.  That way I can adjust my temperature imbalances by throwing off blankets and taking my clothes off!

Can't Make Decisions

Another frustrating thing that happens is I become very indecisive at times. I may go through a few outfits or shoes before I can get dressed.  Then after I get in the car I am uncomfortable so I go back inside and change again! My skin gets sensitive and some clothes or jewelry that is normally fine to wear is not a good choice another day. It's already hard to get through a day and concentrate but if you're uncomfortable now that's another reason to become irritable! This indecisiveness may go along with Chemo Brain but I know it drives my husband nuts, however I just can't help it and I'm sure this isn't just me that gets this way.

Feeling lonely

Everyone I talk to that has gone through this agrees that sometimes the emotional rollercoaster is as tough as the side effects. Although so many have gone through this I still feel alone a lot of the time. Many times I prefer to be alone so I don't have to hear about issues or negativity. It took some time for me to get used to this feeling but I've come to accept it. I enjoy being around friends and family but there are times when I enjoy time alone too. Having cancer and fighting through chemo has taught me not to stress about things that don't matter. With that being said, sometimes it's hard for me to listen to someone gripe about something that can easily be handled without any stress or negativity.

Overwhelmed

I've talked to many others that have this feeling of being emotionally overwhelmed. Normally I was overwhelmed with the amount of work on my desk but now it's just a feeling that has the ability to control me. Inside I'll feel confused with emotions and then one little thing will set me off to start crying. Other times this feeling has caused me to have an anxiety attack which actually feels like a heart attack. This is something I still don't know how to handle but I try my best to keep myself together. When I feel this coming on I will let those around me know that I am overwhelmed with the situation because I just can't handle it! I'm honest about it and I will let them know if it continues I will say something I may regret. Removing myself from a situation that is causing anxiety has helped and it's something I think other patients experience.


These are just a few things I thought I would share.  Hopefully it helps give a better understanding of what we have going on emotionally. I was never an anxious person and this diagnosis changed that. From the moment I felt the lump 4 months ago my anxiety level started rising. This disease becomes a full time job on top your already established life and it's a test of your strength. I know this has changed me and hopefully in some ways it's for the better.

Anonymous, found on Pinterest