Chemo #4 finished and I'm half way done!

I will have to admit yesterday was a weak day for me although I was happy about it breaking the halfway point for chemo.  And this was the last time I would get the AC treatment that is very rough (moving on to Taxol for 4 more rounds). My 39th birthday was the day before so my husband and I celebrated by doing a one night staycation at the Grand Hyatt in Tampa. I know it's weird to spend money at a local hotel but it's the only way we can truly somewhat "relax". I knew my birthday would be one of my feel good days and so I take advantage of that when I can! So we checked out of the hotel at about 8:30 AM and headed to Moffitt on Tuesday morning. Dave was ranting about some nonsense going on with work and all I could think about is how much I did not want to get another infusion. I had anxiety and my stomach was turning to the point I just burst into tears. I think it throws him off when that happens but you can only hold it in for so long. He told me to "rub some dirt on it"!  That's is token statement for just about anything and it's funny just because it's him and his way of dealing with this uncomfortable situation. We talked about what I was feeling and he got me to calm down and focus on being half way done with this hurdle.

I was still fighting back tears the entire morning and it was tough.  I know so many of you comment about how strong I am through this but there are times where I just hit a weak point. I try to focus on the positives to get me through it but the feelings are still there and hard to fight sometimes. After meeting with my nurse and oncologist (who are both amazing!) I felt a little better because I got some good news. She had a hard time finding my tumor and so it is already shrinking with just 3 rounds!  I can still feel it and the size has reduced quite a bit. She also told me I may not have to do radiation.....whoooh hoooo! It truly depends on what they find during surgery but I will stay hopeful until then. I also got my first appointment scheduled with my reconstructive surgeon so that makes me feel like I'm moving on to the next step of this journey. 

This last round did kick my ass and I'll admit it. Each time I learn new ways to deal with the side effects or even better prepare myself so they aren't as bad. For example I know that I will get an awful metallic taste in my mouth for about a week and to help this I need to eat pickles!  And I love pickles, especially the homemade ones my Aunt Tracy brought over last weekend!! I also know that I WILL get mouth and throat sores and now I use a new mouthwash prescription along with saltwater and Biotene.  But I first have to put on Blistex so my lips won't burn when I do any of this (lips are thin and often chapped). I will spare you the details of the constipation! Hopefully I will manage that better this time with some changes I've made so I'll put those tips in my next blog. 

A lot of you ask why my eyebrows and eyelashes haven't fallen out.  Well they started slowly coming out the last few days.  That type of hair cycles much slower than the hair on our head so you get to keep them a little longer. I did learn from a woman yesterday that her eyelashes and brows grew in even fuller so there's a benefit to chemo. 

Cancer sure has changed my life and I think it's changed some things for the better. I take advantage of the days or moments when I feel good and truly appreciate that time. I've realized that life is already short and knowing mine could have been shorter makes me appreciate even the littlest things! I do a lot more reading now and I want to make life changes so that I'm around even longer and that cancer doesn't come back! I don't see myself going full vegan or anything but I have changed my outlook on the foods we consume. If you ever want to watch a good documentary about foods checkout Food, Inc., Food Matters, Forks Over Knives, etc on Netflix.......and it will open your eyes!

Here's a few pictures (selifies) I snapped after round 3. I hope to look back on all this next year and curious to how it will make me feel. I am so blessed with all the support I have out there to the point I feel guilty! I just wish everyone going through this or those that went through this get the support I do. My mom even got a tattoo in honor of me......and she cut her long hair! I get gifts from people I haven't seen since high school and that is truly touching. My friend's little girl even cut her hair to show support and donated it as well. I'm simply amazed at the support and I can't think of enough words to express my gratitude.

Birthday love from my Dogo Pumpkin!!

Afternoon out with mom and sis at the mall.

Some Valentine's day love from my Dogo Kadena.

Mom cut her hair (12") and donated to Locks of Love!!!!

Mom got a tattoo in honor of me that she designed her self :)

Early morning cuddles with my Hunter buns, I'm a lucky gal.

Afternoon cuddles with my Dogo Vixen! Dogos do not respect personal space as you can see.

My last look at the red devil (angel) chemo!

Chemo #3 AC done!

Well I thought I was bald with that last post but I am even more bald now.......I mean NO hair on my head! I am more comfortable with it than I thought I would be. That doesn't mean that it was easy to do but it was something that I had control of finally. To be honest I did have a meltdown right before I had Dave shave it off out of just pure frustration.  I've had a few of these where emotions come over me and I just lose it and can't hardly catch my breath because I cry so hard. But when it's over, I feel better and more peaceful for some reason. I'm sure this must be hard for Dave to deal with since I generally keep it together.  So I must be driving him batty at this point!!

Me and my seester waiting on chemo round 3 doing the peace sign :)

Uncle Kenny showing his support!!!

I get ALL KINDS of support from my friends and family out there and I am so thankful for it!!!!  A day or so after I went full commando my Uncle Kenny in Daytona decided to do the same thing to show his support! How sweet was that?! Then last week I got a package from a 3rd cousin (or 2nd or something, I can't keep up with family trees!) full of beautiful head wraps since she is now in the Radiation stage of her treatment against this ridiculous disease! She has been a great supporter and went through the same treatment I am going through.  Not to mention she is yet another cancer ass kicker!




Last week I went to buy some beanies for my head because it does get chilly.  But then when I cover my head it will get hot sometimes and there is no happy medium.  I like to wear them under scarves, around the house, or when I go to bed.  Until you have a bald head you don't realize how cold a pillow can be!  Then my menopause goes haywire in the middle of the night and I take it off. Waking up hot and sweaty has become normal for me these days. Anyway, I decided to try on some wigs where I went to get a few beanies and really liked this one called the "angel".....so I bought it! I haven't worn it out yet but I will soon. At least now I can go out and look normal.  However, I do enjoy accessorizing my head so being bald hasn't been all that bad.

My new long wig, but I haven't worn it out yet!

I am looking forward to getting chemo behind me more than ever.  I have one more round of this intense AC treatment and then I move on to Taxol for 4 rounds. After round 2 of AC I was a little stronger than after round 1.  But then the second week kicked in and the mouth sores were out of control. I've included a picture that doesn't even do it any justice.  Sorry to those of you with a weak stomach!  My mouth and throat was basically an open wound and if I ate it just felt like I was swallowing rocks. It get so frustrating to feel like this because I want to eat but can't.  And on top of it, everything tastes like crap. My favorite foods now have no flavor and so eating is just a huge pain in the ass these days.

OK so I can't eat most of the time. But then my indigestion went out of control! It was so uncomfortable that I just couldn't take it anymore.  Finally, I started taking Prevecid daily and it works!  I do have a little indigestion here and there but nothing like I was having.  It's simply crazy how much the chemo gets your digestive system out of whack.  Nothing works right and so you just always feel bleh.

First the sores appear as this then they get raw and more painful.

Sores in the crease of my mouth, feels like it was cut with a chainsaw.

There's all this advice out there and books about what you should eat to beat cancer.  Coming from someone that is on chemo, this is all fairly impossible! I went into this thinking I would eat right and follow the alkaline diet stuff.  It's impossible. You just have to eat what you can when you can. I want to eat healthy and all but the foods were are "supposed" to eat just will not go down.  I'll try and eat something and it just turns to mush in my mouth.  I compare it to what it may be like to eat glue or something that is just bad texture and no taste.  It is the weirdest thing to have no taste and not be able to eat most things.  On the bright side, about 3 days before my next round I do get some taste back and I hope that happens again this round!

Let's end this one on a good note!  I am convinced that one of my dogos can detect Migraines.  I've had some migraine problems on my 2nd week after chemo. Vixen was licking my ear and face more than ever, it was driving me nuts.  Then she would stand over me and just be intense.  Then 30 minutes later.....bad migraine!  This happened 3 times and I swear she must know it's coming on.  Now I will take my meds if she does this because those migraines are no fun. We have a lot of dogs and I'll put a few pictures below to share how happy they make me!

Vixen cuddling with me while I deal with the migraine.

Vixen on me while I have a migraine!

Then below are some pictures when Pumpkin first noticed my bald head! I think she likes it because she loves to lick so this gives her more surface area to do that. She definitely noticed something was different but you gotta love dogs because they don't judge!

Dogs my be a lot of work and responsibility, but the rewards are worth it.  They are such good therapy for me and I couldn't imagine doing this without having such great dogs.  When no one is home they always fill in that void and there is nothing like the compassion from your dog! I was looking into training my lab (Hunter) to be a therapy dog and then got diagnosed. I will definitely go through with this training so I can take him out and help others that need some dog therapy!