Round #2 AC Done and I'm Bald Now

This is us doing the surfer girl cut!

This was a true reality week for me! On Sunday, which was day 11 after my first chemo, my hair started thinning out while I was blowing it dry. I felt a tingle all over my head and then it got to be sore.  It felt like when you wear a pony tail too tight then take it down and every hair follicle is going the wrong way!  It was annoying so by Monday night I was ready to hack it off.  BUT, Dave wanted to video it on the GoPro and he didn't have it so we postponed the ordeal until Tuesday after my 2nd round of chemo. We had some fun with it.  He gave me a surfer cut, then a mohawk then not sure what it turned into.  Finally, it was gone and I officially have a shaved head and it's a WEIRD feeling to not have hair hanging off your head. I went to take a shower and still thought to myself "do I need to clip it up or am I washing my hair?". Duh, there is no hair to clip but I often do this when I don't wash my hair. Then I always lay out 2 towels, one for my hair and one for my body.....well I don't need one to wrap my hair up anymore and boy was that strange! But I'm getting used to it now and I am a little relieved that I don't have to DO my hair.  Now, I just figure out what I can do to accessorize my head. I often go with the GI Pamela look at home but it's a bit chilly so I haven't sported the look in public just yet but I will. I went to the grocery store with my head wrap on and got some looks from people, curious to know what they may be thinking.

First ever picture of my bald head.

I got this beautiful head wrap from Good Wishes Scarves....at no cost! :)  



 I thought I would be more traumatized by this experience but I am ok with it for the most part. I did tear up after we were done because the reality is that I now look like a cancer patient to anyone that sees me. I have a feeling this is more of a shock to my family and friends than it is to me. I think it really puts the reality stamp on it and what I'm going through. To be honest, I wish that the ONLY side effect was hair loss! It's all the other side effects that really suck.

Going back to earlier in the day before we shaved my head. I had such a nice surprise before my infusion appointment. Three amazing friends came by to surprise me in custom shirts made for me! The front says "Team Pamela" and the back says "Fuck Cancer"! I love it!! Then, I just found out they had some made for our friends out in Texas and included the cutest little girls of theirs....this has made my day! Check them out in this picture!!!  I sure have some of the best support out there and it makes dealing with this madness a lot easier.


Some of my supporters out there helping me keep my chin up through all this!

One thing I have to work on is my husband's addiction to technology!  Our businesses never let us breathe and it's hard to be away from the office even for an hour, let alone an entire day! He tries to juggle all of this and I wish it were easier for both of us right now but we have to keep plugging along because this is what we do! I don't know how he keeps up with it all and now trying to keep up with all that I have going on. But somehow he does, he's amazing and I'm a lucky gal!

 



On Day 1 after chemo my bestie, Selma, from Orlando came over with 2 trays of her famous lasagna. She also brought some of the best mini gourmet cupcakes which totally hit the spot along with a beautiful custom necklace from Origami Owl! It's hard to keep up with all the gifts I have received and I plan on getting my official "thank yous" out soon! I even got a beautiful handmade quilt this week from my dear friend, Antonella, that was made by a cancer survivor herself so it means A LOT!

Overall this round of chemo has been a little nicer to me.  I am EXHAUSTED but feel better than I did after round 1.  I prepared myself a little better this go around and made sure I had the right foods available such as fruits, crackers, and soups. I went to work the day after chemo but then was too fatigued to make it in on Thursday. I decided not to drive the days following chemo because I just don't think it's safe and I would hate to be the cause of an accident on top of all this! I am at work today and trying to get "caught up" but you know how that is nearly impossible even when you are at work all the time!


One thing different is that I have developed these little red dots on my hands and feet. I called my doctor about it but they don't seem to be getting worse so I'll just keep an eye on it for now. I don't remember this happening last time. They think it's an allergic reaction but I heard from my cousin that it is caused by leaky capillaries and low platelets which also makes a lot of sense considering the toxins they pump into me!



Well my mom brought to my attention that I am 1/4 of the way done with the chemo part of this journey and that is a great thing! Just 2 more rounds of this tough chemo then I move on to Taxol which is known to be "easier", yay! So here we are after leaving my 2nd round and waiting for the car in valet.  Gotta love that you get valet parking at the hospital. It's a nice perk to not have to find your car in some parking lot when you're good and ready to get outta there! 

It Was "just" A Migraine...But I'm Normal Now!

I was a bit hesitant to try Ambien to sleep but I wanted to sleep SO bad that I decided to take one on Tuesday night.  I've heard horror stories about sleep walking,  sleep eating, sleep cooking, sleep bathing, sleep driving, sleep sex! However, the sleep was AMAZING! I don't think anything happened but I was in such a coma-like sleep that I would not know if anything fun happened while I was out.  However, I woke up with a headache that got worse and worse. My eyes felt like they were the size of tennis balls and my brain felt like it was too big for my skull!  I had a migraine starting and went home early from the office. I can't take Excedrin Migraine now because it's aspirin based and not something they want us to take with chemo. Sucks because that stuff works for me! I ended up taking Percocet and it helped take the edge off enough so I could at least sleep.

OMG the next morning was worse! My head hurt so bad I couldn't even move. I couldn't stand up, lay down, think, look at the TV, nothing. Everything just sucked and I was pissed off about it. I was for sure something was wrong and had Dave come get me to go see someone at Moffitt. They decided to do and MRI on my head and make sure there was nothing funny going on there. While waiting to get the MRI scheduled I had Dave get me a banana and water. Yup, I immediately barfed my brains out along with all the water I drank earlier, it was disgusting. Finally I get the MRI and luckily for me, my brain is perfect! So the outcome is that I am having a serious migraine....for two days. They told me to take Percocet and get some rest to see if it will go away.  Apparently this is a fun side effect of chemo and may or may not be related to the Ambien.

We left and I was starving since it's been a couple days since I ate real food. I had Dave drive through Chick Fil A and got some nuggets.  I ate a few of them and he made a U-turn and I made a frantic move for the empty bag!  Yup, I barfed my nuggets right back up.  I can laugh about it now but I was pissed off!  I was so hungry, my head hurt, and the pain made it so I was vomiting everything.......this shit gets old. On top of me feeling like total crap, my husband had horrible gas! While I was getting an MRI he went down to the cafeteria and, of all things, got split pea soup. Who eats that?! Well, it gave him the most rotten gas and didn't help my situation whatsoever. The entire ride home I had to keep rolling my window down because of him and I thought I'd share that so people can really feel sorry for me! Good thing I love this guy and can see past some of this non-lovable things!

I got home and took some nausea meds. I ate some bland stuff and took two Percocets and called it a night. When I got up on Friday I still had a headache but slightly better off than the previous two mornings. I decided to go ahead and take Excedrin Migraine and after an hour or so my headache was gone. Finally, I got up and made it to the office at about 1pm but felt great! My GYN called me after learning about my condition (she was out on medical leave since Nov.) and I told her to help me with this migraine issue so next time I will be trying Fioricet, fingers crossed it will work for me. Hands down, I have the sweetest GYN on the planet and I am so glad I found her thanks to Laura's recommendation years ago.

Since I did feel well I met up with my bestie, Laura, so we can get dinner. I needed to pass the bottle I had from the Destination Ellen Project known as Seeking Noah. Laura was diagnosed in 2009 with Stage IV colon cancer and her good friend Stephanie was diagnosed with Stage III colon cancer at the same time, what are the odds? I'm honored to have been a part of this Project and passing the bottle on to Stephane so she can share her story.  This bottle is being passed through the hands of cancer survivors and fighters until it gets back to the Ellen Show!  More information can be found about the project by clicking here.

I am passing the Destination Ellen bottle off to Stephanie who is a Stage 3 colon cancer survivor!

This is my bestie Laura handing the Destination Ellen bottle off to me at my 1st chemo session. 

The Days Following My 1st Chemo

One of the reasons I started this blog was so people could get a real view of exactly what a patient goes through.  I have read a few blogs and found that it really helped to prepare myself for what may happen. I think a lot of folks feel that you go get chemo and then pull it together and get back to your daily routine as much as possible.  So many patients do this and make it look almost effortless but don't let that fool you! Anyone who has gone through chemo and made it back to work or life's schedule is giving it EVERYTHING THEY'VE GOT to make it through. But we don't want to lay around and feel all the aches and pains that go along with this so we try to stay in a routine as best we can. You feel so alone going through this, although you know you're not because so many get treatment for cancer. Even with all the support and love out there, you still feel isolated. I even feel as if I'm not being strong enough and that others obviously handle it better than me. Normally I am the one on the go and making sure everyone is taken care of but now I have to be the recipient and it's fairly awkward!

On the day of chemo I felt fine and was tired that night.  They amp you up on so many drugs that you don't have a clue what is real and what isn't. I'm so grateful for anti-nausea meds because I don't know how they went through this and vomited the entire time.  Kudos to all those out there that didn't have the luxury of anti-nausea meds or if those meds didn't work, you are the real warriors! Later that night I was very edgy and uncomfortable. Then I checked my BP and it went all the way up to 201/110 and my HR was at a steady 85 bpm. This is all very high for me and had me so on edge that I could barely sleep. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and it was a bit scary. I get a lot of night sweats now and need to often get up and change so I can go back to bed comfortable - unlike!

On DAY 1 after chemo it was difficult to wake up, I was EXHAUSTED!  I hate waking up in the morning anyway so it was only compounded by being drugged to death with toxins! I had NO appetite (totally not like me!) and found myself struggling to eat a piece of cinnamon toast and some applesauce. I drank a lot of water and I've started drinking a lot of hot teas. At about 1pm I realized I almost forgot that I had to go back to the hospital and get my Neulasta shot. When I used to take shots it was tequila or something fun, now it's crap that is going to just hurt! After my shot I had an craving for Chick Fil A nuggets and so I got some and headed to work. I made it about 4 hours at work then went home exhausted and at about 10pm the aches and pains started from that shot. I felt radiating type pains in my ankles, teeth, forearms, legs, hips......all very annoying. On the upside, my BP and HR went back to normal about 24 hours post chemo.

On DAY 2 I was sluggish getting  up but made it to work by about 9am but left before lunch because I just didn't have it in me to be there. I am so overwhelmed with the treatment and then all the stress at work just overcame me so I had to leave. I felt a great deal of depression that day and just felt like I was in a shell.  Then my bestie sent me a edible arrangement that totally hit the spot and was just what I needed to eat, made my day!

On DAY 3 I hated waking up again and did not feel like a human being at all. I found that I actually like Ensure and was able to put that down, yay! At lunch I found out that one of my favorite soups from Crispers now tasted like blended cardboard and that sucks.  My tastes are a total mess and hopefully it actually has a benefit so that I lose some weight! Today I noticed that my eyesight is getting blurry and that it's harder to focus. Text on the computer seems hazy and almost 3D, yikes! This was a rough day for me and I left the office early because I had issues completing the simplest things and got frustrated. Then the Tinnitus started kicking in more so than ever.  Sounded like an orchestra was in my head.

On DAY 4 it was Saturday and I woke up feeling the most normal since pre-treatment!  My sister was in town and my dad was on his way in to help and be there with me. My good friend Stacy came over to help with chores around the house and helped me realize that I now love white cheddar Mac N Cheese! I actually was able to be productive but every so often a feeling of complete exhaustion would happen that demands I take a break! Oh, and I found out that I could not drink coffee (what?!) or cranberry juice.....it tasted like dirty dishwater! Overall this was a pretty good day but keep in mind that I never felt 100%. Now when I say I feel "good" it is actually about a 50-75%, I don't know when I will feel 100% good again but I am looking forward to it. Today was when my mouth sores started along with a lump in my throat, which totally sucks. The cracks of my mouth are open sores and I can't open my mouth so it's hard to eat.  Thankfully someone invented popsicles because those feel amazing when your mouth feels this way. The inside of my mouth feels pasty and as if I've never brushed my teeth in my life.

On DAY 5 I really got tired of the sore mouth icky feeling then the corners actually seemed to throb like they have their own heartbeat, bazaar. Again I woke up in the middle of the night hot as hell and had to change my clothes.  I noticed today that my skin is starting to feel and look different.  I like the way it feels, it's very smooth.  But it looks blotchy and it looks sick to me. I can see every pour and it's more oily than normal so I did a masque and I continue to keep it moisturized using Eminence products. I absolutely love that line of skin care and it's all organic so it's easy on your skin. 

On DAY 6 and 7.....I'm starting to be able to get through a normal day again! So I guess it takes a full week to recover from your first round of chemo.  I would not say I'm totally recovered because my mouth is still a mess and my insomnia sucks and bone pains are still happening. But, I have a wonderful dentist that prescribed me something that will help with the mouth issues and I am going to try it out tonight.

There are probably about a 100 other things  I could have listed that happens when you start feeling the side effects of chemo.  I've connected with a relative I didn't know I had that is going through this and she is in her 30s as well. It helps to talk to people and hear that everything that is happening is "normal", although it still sucks. The doctors only tell you so much because they just don't think of everything during that time we sit with them in the office.  They forget to tell you that your internal plumbing is going to be an issue and to make sure you start something to keep that going! They forget to tell you that you will have serious insomnia and that you will go into moments of depression that are intense. I am always on the edge of crying and every so often something will make me lose it and I just get pissed off. Just writing this puts a lump in my throat and tear in my eye because I know I have so much ahead of me still.

Chemo is by far one of  the worst things to ever have to go through. All I beg is that people put early screening on their to do list and not on their procrastination list.  If  I didn't catch this when I did on November 21st, it wouldn't be caught until next year or year after when I could have a mammogram....by then I would be a lot worse off.

Cancer has changed my entire life in so many ways. We all know we are going to die one day and it could happen sitting in your living room or driving to work.  But when you're diagnosed with your own mortality it really slows things down. Everything is different,  even the wind feels different when I step outside. I thought that I took nothing for granted before and I was wrong because now I appreciate the simplest things that most of us just drive by and ignore. I used to think that doing my hair was such a hassle and now I enjoy it because it will be gone soon! I took so much for granted and I'll never do that again.

Today I took some advice from some true warriors out there and decided to get a shorter haircut. I think it was good for me to rejuvenate a little and feel good about myself. I decided tonight that I am going to take advantage of the next week or so and get out and do things while I still don't look like a cancer patient! Plus I need to be sure to get out and do things any time that I feel up to it.

My first haircut before the real doozie in a week or so!

Thanks for reading and check your ta tas!

Round 1 of 8 is DONE!

The anticipation of starting chemo is finally over and I made it through the first round. Dave came down with a cold and wasn't able to make it to my first round so Laura was my chemo partner/cheerleader at Moffitt for the day. I think it worked out best being there with someone who, unfortunately, knows the process first hand.  TY LAURA! Laura and Rich surprised me when they showed up as Rich was in his Pink Heals bunker gear! He was a huge hit and put a smile on so many faces! I felt special for sure! They also brought roses, a poster from Tatum, gifts, and a hug from Noah.  They took it to the top and I am sure it made this first round easier.

Blood work started at about 8:30 then I had appointment with my Oncologist. I think I got into infusion at about 11:30 and lasted about 3 hours.  So it's a long day! With all the anticipation of the unknown makes it seem like you are just walking around on another planet.

Laura said I handled my first round like a champ but I give all the credit to my supporters out there. I truly have some of the best support a woman could ask for.  We also got suckered into doing a stress relieve session in the waiting area that was strange but it worked....I think!  Here on the right is a picture of Laura and as you can see we were "bag ladies"! We had so much stuff!! It looked like we were moving into Moffitt.


This picture to the right is me getting the drug they call "Red Devil" or doxorubicin (see, it's red and it will make you pee red too!). The nurse has to sit there and pump it in manually.  It causes necrosis if administered too quickly so they won't use the drip to deliver it. Prior to this they pumped my up with a couple other meds, including anti-nausea, which is awesome!  Then I took Cyclophosphamide through the drip. It took about 3 hours once I got back there and then went home to relax. Honestly I felt like a champion when I left, as if I could be productive.  But that changed a few hours later and I felt WEIRD!

After doing a few things around the house when I got home I started feeling fatigued and full of strange feelings.  I don't know how to explain them to people that haven't had treatment before. You just feel like shit, honestly! But I have meds that help with how I feel and eventually was able to fall asleep around midnight! Then in the morning I had the feeling like you get from a long weekend of drinking with your friends minus the fun. It was similar to an awful hangover.

Lucky for me I have some great dogs that just want to cuddle when they know you need it!! I had my Hunter (bestest black lab ever) and Pumpkin (awesome dogo girl). You gotta love how dogs just know when you're not right.

Randomly throughout the week I get things that really cheer me up from family and friends.  They seem to come at a time when I may be feeling down and it's really sweet. I like to do the same for others but I really need to step up my game knowing now how much it does mean to be on the receiving end. Below is just one of many cards that two sweet girls that belong to a great old friend of mine. Notice in this one they gave me a pink streak in my hair, gotta love them!

We expect our family and friends to help and mine have gone above and beyond to show me their support and I GREATLY appreciate it!  I also appreciate all the contact from friends I haven't talked to in years. It's good to know that no matter the distance, friends are always friends.  This hasn't been easy and I hear a lot of you tell me that they find me to be so strong and inspiring.  I find this very flattering and unexpected! I just hope that we all understand that just because someone is strong, it doesn't mean that this comes easy for them. We all have our battles and for me I just have a new one to fight so I can get my life back!

Got My Armor (My Port)

Last week was awesome because it was free of appointments and procedures. I enjoyed every bit of it and one of my besties came over for the weekend to deep clean my house! I truly have some of the BEST FRIENDS!!

I did some research so I was prepared for getting this port put in my body and found other blogs that were a great help. For me it wasn't so bad because the people at Moffitt tend to make everything pleasant as much as they can. When I got to Moffitt at 7:30AM they did a blood draw and sent me up to Radiology for the procedure.  There were about 50 people in the waiting area for blood draw at that time but I got put on STAT to keep my procedure on schedule.  I just can't believe how BUSY it is there!  It's like the lines waiting to get good sales for Black Friday, unbelievable.

Next they went over everything in great detail and started my IV.  Dave thought this was cool and related it to a quick disconnect, like we use in hydraulics. He went on to tell the nurse that he could do all this.  He did it to horses and so this should be about the same.  You just smack the area and then hit it with the needle......well, not on me you won't!

In the OR it was freezing and then they prepped me with even colder sterile blue liquid and dressings. My anesthesiologist started the cocktail to put me in a twilight zone and it didn't do anything. So he gave me another round of it and still, nothing happened....I was wide awake and coherent.  Then he shot me up a third time and I remember nothing. When I came to he was messing with my IV and I told him "it's still not working....".  He laughed and told me they were done and I'm about to head to recovery!

 

There was really nothing to it and I felt nothing until the meds wore off when I got home. I took it easy the rest of the day and relaxed for a change. Here is a picture when I got home showing the bandages. They put the port just under my collar bone and then the catheter runs up and into my Jugular Vein, which then dumps into my heart. Crazy huh?! They use a port because the chemo is too much for the veins in your arm.  The chemo could leak out of them and be toxic to the surrounding tissues so this is why a port is used.  Not every cancer patient has the same chemo and they all have similar and different side effects. They will monitor my heart on a regular basis to make sure it remains healthy enough for treatment. Apparently  the drugs I will be on is very hard on the heart.  I bought a BP Monitor and stethoscope so I can listen on my own too! And for those who know me, the stethoscope I bought is purple :).



Today, 2 days later, I took off their bandages.  The area was SO DARN ITCHY I couldn't take it anymore.  Well, I see now that I must be allergic to that particular adhesive because it's red and my skin is very tender with small sores.  SO, it doesn't hurt where they put a foreign object in my body......it was the sticker they used that hurt! I guess I need to find out what that was and make sure they don't use it again! Here I am on the right with just the Steri-Strips over the incision.  I forget what they used to keep it closed but then there is some internal stitches that stay inside until they take it out.

I new friend told me that this port is part of my armor for the fight, I thought that was a good analogy! I think my biggest concern is keeping my dogs from jumping on it and hurting me. I love them so much and hate that I have to be more careful around them now. My Labrador isn't the problem, it's my Dogos that want to climb on me and compete for a hug.

Getting my port in did put me back into reality of what I'm about to face. I start with my first round of chemo on Tuesday and so I have hair until about the end of the month! I am "happy" to get started and get this garbage out of my body. But to be totally honest, I am scared as well! I don't know how I will react and I worry about my body feeling weak. This is going to be hell but my life is worth it so I'll do what it takes.

 
 
 
 
 

Good-bye to 2013 and HELLO to 2014!!!

 

We are thrilled that 2013 is over and hoping that 2014 treats us better!! I am considering 2014 to be our year of fighting cancer, healing, and health. I want to focus on being healthier and make choices that benefit our health!

 

I told you earlier that it's funny how "good news" has a whole new meaning now that I have cancer. After doing some tests to determine if it had spread, all I could do is think and prepare for the worst. I knew that this past year I have felt like ultimate crap! Low and behold it was because of cancer and my body was also starting to go through menopause. I mean, menopause in your late 30s is normal right? I'd wake up with night sweats, have hot flashes, oh ya.....and gained 10+ pounds! Anyway, when we found out my cancer was only Stage II, my husband wanted to celebrate the good news! So he got us tickets to see Blue Man Group in Orlando. Apparently he got seats in the "splash zone" so we had to wear ponchos, but it was a great time and I needed this kind of entertainment. We stayed at the JW that night (thank you Amex points!) and just enjoyed time together. This cancer thing has really changed how we feel about life in general. We go 100mph all day long and work 80-100 hours per week each!  We now make the time in our busy schedule to do more together.   

 

I thought it would be fun to dye my hair a strange/unnatural color. But I also thought I'm not an age where crazy hair is acceptable. Well, I really don't care about what other people think as much as I used to! Before my thinking was that I wouldn't look "professional", but does that really matter? It's just hair, it grows back! So, I went to my salon and they had a great time dying my hair pink. I had a vision that this would be a good conversation starter about cancer and I was right (I love it when I'm right!)! I think it is a fun way to bring awareness to this disease that really sucks. People compliment me all the time and so I tell them it was my last Ooh-Rah before it falls out! Hopefully it gets them thinking about following up on their own cancer screenings, that is my goal! However, I do love it and will probably do it again when I get new hair.....I definitely need to try purple. When I got home from this appointment my mom, sister, and sister-friend all had pink wigs on as my support group.  Super cute, I love these ladies!

I came home to another surprise just a few days before Christmas. My mom had broke into my house (well, she has a key...) and put up a beautiful pink tree full of ornaments! Including butterflies and dragonflies, which are my ultimate favorite. I didn't decorate this year with all the nonsense going on so this was just what I needed to feel right about holidays! I said before that I didn't buy gifts this year, apparently no one else got that memo and they all bought gifts! My husband even made me a pink ribbon trailer hitch for my car. It's made out of diamond plate and its awesome! It is definitely unique and I'm sure he could make a business out of it!

This really was a great Christmas and I am so thankful that my family was here to celebrate.  I made an experimental dinner for dinner that night of prime rib......and it was amazing.  Thankfully it was not awful because we had a good friend joining us and I didn't want to be embarrassed! I also made my first ever batch of pancakes (honey and cinnamon) that morning and they were yummy! Definitely not items I should eat but for the holidays, you kinda have to!
 

I sure do have a lot to be thankful for aside from the cancer nonsense I'm going through. My husband is wonderful and has been more supportive than I expected. I can tell you after I had laser spine surgery 2 years ago, he didn't even make my lunch after the surgery because he was napping! I had to get up in my drugged up stupor and make a PB&J sandwich. He'll never hear the end of that but he sure has been there for me this go around. My sister came down from Tallahassee to visit, which is always a good time. Along with my mom, we went to see the Rockettes show where my niece, Tatum, was in the opening act....amazing! No, Samantha hasn't had any kids.....Tatum is my best friend's daughter and so we're family. My dad came up for the weekend as well since I couldn't make it down there. He's become slightly addicted to hog hunting with Dave so they took care of 8 hogs out on a property we hunt. I spare you those pictures for now!

We have a long road ahead of us and this may be one of our most challenging years we've ever faced. Along with kicking cancer in the ass, we have some goals planned for our companies. If you know us well, then you know that we always like to overfill our schedule. Well, starting this month they are pitching our reality TV show to the networks and I have confidence that we may be interesting to someone out there! You can CLICK THIS LINK to watch our promo video, we hope you like it!

HAPPY NEW YEAR, LET'S KICK SOME CANCER ASS!!!