Chemo #4 - Put me in the hospital!

I told you in the last blog that I had a lot of anxiety going into this round of chemo and it was definitely justified based on the events that followed afterwards. I could probably write an entire book about the experience but I'll try to keep it as short as possible! I still can't stop thinking about what happened and how close I was to possibly losing this battle I'm fighting. Within the last few months my perspective on life has changed and now my eyes and heart are even more open than before.

I was treated with round 4 of AC (Adriamycin/Cyclophosphamide) on Tuesday and felt like a champ the next day or two. Then over the weekend I started to slow down and take advantage of the extra help I had from by dad and sister being in town. On Sunday I decided all of us (me, mom, dad, and sis) take our labs up to the shop to feed all our other dogs. So, we had 11 crazy dogs running around and they were having a total blast! Within a few minutes of being outside I felt lightheaded and a little short of breath but that doesn't stop me from being out there. Next thing I know my knees felt jiggly and tunnel vision set in so I got down on the ground to pull it together. Then I got myself in a dog kennel and out of the sun, none of which is a good idea when you don't have a good immune system. My dad got the car started and I got in it to try and catch my breath but it was tough. I had to watch my family try to gather up and feed a pack of maniac dogs and all I wanted to do was help! Because of my stubborn mind I did try to round up the dogs but quickly found out I just didn't have the energy. Soon enough they got me home and I was in bed the rest of the day and night. Even a trip to the bathroom was difficult and I planned on calling my doctor in the morning.  Looking back, I should have called the hospital and I know better now.

Me feeling like crap waiting to get transported to my room.

On Monday my doctor told me to come in and go straight to Blood Draw before seeing her. Well that turned into another interesting event! My sister drove and my dumbass decided it would be ok to walk from the valet to the Blood Draw area (Yes, Moffitt has only valet parking and it's awesome!).  I took a seat in there and just could not catch my breath. Finally I admitted I was in bad shape and my sister called for help. Within about 5 seconds I had 2 nurses tending to me and within less than a minute the rapid response team of about 10 was by my side! They were able to get me stable after awhile (not sure how long it took because I lost track of time at this point!) and brought me to the breast clinic to see my doctor. I knew at this point they were admitting me but I still wanted to see my medical team first. They told me I was neutropenic and that my neutrophils were 0.2 k/ul (normal range is 1.8 -7.8 k/ul). NOT GOOD!!!  Also not good was my hemoglobin which was 9.0 g/dL (normal range is 11.4-15.0 g/dL) so I'm anemic too. I was just a mess an my doc even told me I looked puny! She gave me a big hug, admitted me right away, and told me I was in good hands.

This Nurse Dan and me on my 3rd day there.

I was so glad that Sam was with me for all of this and can't express in words how lucky I am to have a sister like her!  In any situation we still find a way to make it fun and this was a bad situation! Then in walks my nurse, Dan. He was a character right from the beginning and made us laugh our asses off the next 3 days. But he was also a very kind nurse that knew his job well. As he was doing a blood draw from my arm for pathology he tells me he's legally blind in one eye! How can you not laugh at that?

Later that first night two techs show up with an X-ray machine and EKG unit. This caught me off guard because I thought they would wheel me down to get this done.  Apparently when you're critically neutropenic they do their best to keep you in the room. That's when I realized the severity of why I was there.

Monday was a long day and but when it came time to go to sleep I was wide awake.  I took my Ativan and it seemed as if David was the one who took it! This guy can sleep anywhere no matter how uncomfortable it is! My room had a folded spare bed but he opted to sleep in an uncomfortable recliner over making up the bed.

Me trying to fall asleep......!

Hubby that can sleep anywhere

I was for sure that on Tuesday morning my counts would naturally go back up. I mean, why wouldn't they?! For some reason I have this mindset that I can conquer anything on my own and this was just another example of doctors over reacting to the situation. Well, I was wrong....again! My neutrophil counts when down even more, they were now 0.07 k/ul and my hemoglobin went down to 7.3 g/L. How am I even blink my eyes at this point?! The medical team came by that morning and told me I needed a blood transfusion and that just blew my mind. The thought of pumping someone else's blood into my body just grossed me out. But based on my conversation with them it was pretty much my only option. Trying to recover from this without a transfusion was not recommended and so I listened to the risks and signed on the dotted line. So many of my friends and family offered to donate blood which I thought was so flattering but it doesn't work that way. There's a process it has to go through and I am so grateful to the donors out there. If there is ever a time where you feel helpless and want to do something for someone that is sick, just donate your blood! It doesn't cost anything and it saves lives. After receiving donated blood I have a new perspective on the significance of this type of donation.

My tower of meds, blood, etc.

Here I am receiving blood from a generous unknown donor

Me taking more pills, just call me pillhead. 

I received 2 units of blood and felt better within a few hours afterwards. Prior to my blood transfusion they started me on some serious antibiotics (Vancomycin and Cefepime) and antifungal (Micafungin) in case I had an infection going on. They took blood from my port and vein in my arm for cultures as well. Now, I'm a microbiologist so this is super interesting to me! On the other hand, I know too much so it freaks me out as well. They monitor cultures for 5 days and it was good to know that mine were negative because I surely didn't want to be septisemic (infection of the blood).

Wednesday morning I felt like a human being again! I wasn't ready to do a 5K but I was able to go to the bathroom without setting off my heart monitor to the nurse's station! Seriously, my visits to the bathroom would send me heart rate up to about 150 BPM! And it was only about 6 steps away from my bed. I finally had the energy to give myself a "wet wipe" bath. They give you a packet of these soap wipes and it was awesome because I felt disgusting. I actually appreciate being bald because it's one less thing to worry about in situations like this. In January I was so worried about losing my hair and now I'm glad it's gone! It's quicker to take a shower and get ready to go somewhere, plus it's not in my face all day. I guess it's one of those "blessings in disguise"!


Wednesday evening my mom was visiting and I was determined to get out of my room for once. The tech saw me trying to escape and quickly demanded I put on a mask. Between the duck mask, bald head, IV tubes, and blue gown I surely couldn't feel any sexier! I had my mom snap of picture of me with my rolling tower friend standing by my door covered with warning signs. Never in a million years would I have thought to be in a picture like this!

Just before my mom got there the woman in a nearby room starting moaning. I thought she was having a dream or something but then I started to hear the pain escalate in her moans. It got worse and worse and I just wanted to go in there and hug her. The nurses were there within seconds then a doctor was paged and at her side in less than a minute. I felt so helpless and just started crying because I knew she was in so much pain. I knew she was probably scared and confused. She was having a reaction to an anti-fungal that causes the muscles to cramp up so her hands, feet, arms, legs, fingers, and toes were all just one big charlie horse. Broke my heart and made me thankful that the only reaction I had by then was itchy ankles, calves, chest (and cleavage....odd) from the Cefepime. I did get another reaction later that night that caused my legs to twitch and ache. Come to find out the next morning my Potassium was low so they gave me a unit of Potassium to bring it back up. This may have been the cause of the discomfort I felt for about 2 hours before finally passing out from Ativan and Benedryl. Still, minor compared to what she went through.

Thursday I got the good news that my neutrophils were up to 1.07 k/ul and you would have thought I earned another degree because that's how I felt. I had so many fears running through my head while I was there and this progress made me stable enough to be discharged later in the day. There were many moments where I thought about my situation and I would wrap my head around the reality that I was in the hospital for something very serious. I know that patients die in there and I didn't want to be one of those stories. So when they told me about would be discharged I had this feeling of happiness and peace that I cannot put into words.

A friend I've been a Facebook "penpal" with messaged me that she had a doctor appointment that morning and would be at Moffitt. She is ahead of me in this fight and so helpful to me when I don't know what to expect next. Come to find out the appointment is the next week and chemo brain told her it was this Thursday! But this caused us to finally meet in person and we sat there talking for hours about cancer and life until I was finally able to leave, so she took me home too!

Having cancer sucks. Going through chemo sucks even more. But this diagnosis has changed my life in a way that nothing else would. I have a new outlook on life that would not have happened otherwise. I've met some amazing people and become a part of a sisterhood that cannot be explained unless you are a woman with cancer. As women we want to be independent and beautiful but cancer treatment makes these things difficult. It changes us mentally, physically, and physiologically so that we have to figure out our new self. It's a lot to process and I am so lucky to have the comradery of other fighters and survivors along with the best support network a cancer patient could have!

Smile, an Angel is in the room!

I've made my journey fairly public for a few reasons. I definitely don't do it for the attention because that actually makes me a bit uncomfortable! I don't do it to get flowers, cards, gifts, balloons, and hugs (although I greatly appreciate them all!!). I do it so others in this fight can reflect on how they felt during their experience. I also do it so those diagnosed after me may have find some help or answers in my experience. I'm a teacher at heart and I think this is just my way of educating.

Got to have flowers in my room after my counts went over 1.0!!

Just monkeying around with my new friend!

On a side note.......I have nothing but compliments about my stay at Moffitt. In my opinion this is the Ritz of hospitals and I am still amazed with how well I was treated. I never had to ask twice for anything and they never missed a beat. Kudos to the nurses, doctors, techs, housekeeping, transporters, meal servers, social workers, and patient advocates!!! I definitely have a quite a few compliment cards to fill out.