While I was dealing with insomnia last night I was thinking about
life. We spend the first 5 or 6 years learning how to function as a human. Then we spend the next 13+ years in school followed with more school, training, and work. Now we are in our 30s and working our asses off so we can retire in our 60s (if we're lucky) to start living and doing the things we worked so hard for! Next thing you know it's just over, we're gone. It's such an abstract thought to think we won't be here one day. I feel like going through this treatment has shaved years off my life and I really hope it doesn't come back to haunt me even more. I'm not trying to be Debbie Downer but it's true and it's one reason I've decided to do what I want to do when I can. I want to spend more time with my husband (impossible when you're a business owner...) and family/friends. I want to travel and see more of our country and the world. There's so much to do in the fraction of time we have here!
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| Dad and me on his 60th bday at Two Georges |
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| First time for me and sis at the Grand Ole Opry! |
Right after I finished my last chemo I went to our cabin in Ohio to turkey hunt and enjoy the outdoors with one of my best friends. Then I went to Key West to live it up with my husband for a week....we love it down there. The next week I had a double mastectomy (DMX) and the recovery held me hostage to my house, it was rough but I got through it. Just 3 weeks after my DMX I went to Boynton Beach to celebrate my dad's 60th birthday for a few days and had a blast. I came back to Tampa for a day then jumped on a plane headed to Nashville to celebrate the 4th of July weekend with my sister and some friends. Whew!!
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| Sis and I at Nashville's amazing fireworks! |
I can't say that all this running around was easy but it was worth it. My body aches all the time and I have some of the strangest pains imaginable. So keep in mind, that when someone is done with treatment and "done" with the main surgery......they are still dealing with it on the inside. They are also dealing with the emotional pains too which is something I'm having a hard time with. I have to remind myself that I feel this pain and fatigue because my body just went through hell. On top of going through cancer hell it's also going through menopause......without any supplements or hormones, go me! I'm not allowed to take anything and not sure if I would take hormones. I did learn that Zoloft helps with hotflashes and I cannot emphasize in words how frustrating it is to internally combust.
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| Notice the straight "cord" towards middle of armpit... |
My recovery is going well so far and I go for my first fill this week. I'm excited to get this process moving along and should have my "new set" by the end of the year. I can finally sleep on my side a little bit and that was something I missed a lot. Last week I developed this strange feeling under my left armpit and talked to my nurse about it. I told her it feels like a string being pulled from the middle of my armpit that connects to my elbow and that it is tender to touch. Apparently this is referred to as a "cord" and you can actually see it. I'll talk to them more about it on Tuesday but it may last awhile and has something to do with a lymph vessel. The weird things always tend to happen to me, not sure why!
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| 3 CT contrast drinks to put down in 90mins, gross! |
Chemobrain is stronger than ever and I missed my CT Scan last Tuesday. My reminder popped up on my phone at 10 PM....well that should have been AM! I should have known because the night before I had a bad dream about my results. I thought it was the next week but I thought wrong! Anyway, I had it done the next day and I've been a bit of a mess ever since. That night I was reminded that my GI tract doesn't like the contrast drink/IV and the next day my right kidney started feeling sore. I had a CT back in December and I didn't care for the drink, but when I had a CT during chemo I actually liked the drink. Last week it made me almost puke with every sip! I'm learning this is what a lot of people feel when they have scans and doctor appointments after going through this. I don't think you ever get used to this kind of anxiety, especially since I rarely had to deal with anxiety in the past.
Aside from being a hot mess at times, I think that I'm doing pretty good with recovering from cancer hell. I take things one day at a time and learned to not go past my breaking point. I've also learned to recognize that everyone is going through something and we need to all have more patience. Life can be mean and hear stories of people going through cancer, divorce, and family deaths all at the same time. You just never know what is going on in other people's lives. Some don't have the liberty to splurge on themselves or take a vacation so I quickly remind myself how lucky I am. Aside from the nonsense we (being my husband and I) go through with cancer and the stress of owning businesses, I am grateful for all that we have.
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| Sis and me at Hatch Print Show, a must do in Nashville. |
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| In Nashville after fireworks...I was soooo tired! |
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| My first time out with a wig...@ Tootsies! |
