Don't Take Your Boobs For Granted!

Don't take your boobs for granted!  Don't take your partner's boobs for granted either! You may not need them to get through your day but they are pretty important to most women. They aren't exactly a vital organ but once they get removed it almost feels that way! I'll explain what it's like to get them replaced and hopefully it will urge at least one person who reads this to get screened or tell someone they love to get screened.

Never in my life did I think that one day I would have mine removed and replaced with silicone sacks, that definitely didn't cross my mind! It's surreal now, but I do remember having to think about whether or not I want to get rid of them all together or try to keep them and have them carve out the tumor area. Weird stuff to think about, right?! My choice was to go with a double mastectomy because I wanted them to be the same and I didn't want to worry about them trying to kill me again later. 

Saline being injected into expander (rt)

To be honest, the reconstruction process SUCKS, but I think it was worth doing for me! It is uncomfortable and extremely painful having and recovering from multiple surgeries (3 for me). My body looked disfigured and ugly. I didn't recognize my naked self and worried that I will never be able to look in a mirror again. Over the course of several months (5 months for me) they stretched the skin by filling up the expanders with saline until I got to the size I wanted. Yup, I went slightly bigger...might as well make it worth it! Expanders are temporary implants (pic below)  with ports in them so they can stick the ports with saline filled needles and expand them 50-100cc weekly or biweekly. They are uncomfortable and to me it felt like I had cinder block in my chest!

Expander on left, silicone implant, saline implant

Next we try and decide what the heck to do about nipples.  Never thought I would be discussing that with so many people but there I was talking with my surgeon, husband, mom, sister, friends, and everyone else about nipples.  Sometimes they don't take the nipples with mastectomies (they call that nipple sparing) but most of the time they do, it all depends on the tumor location, size, etc. So, they took mine and that was that. Now what? How do you get them back?!  Well, doctors are creative and they take skin from the lower belly bikini line area, cut it into circles and form the skin into makeshift nipples that they put on the new breasts. It's crazy and I had no idea this was going on in the world. Oh, and they give you a tummy tuck while they take the skin too so they can graft that fat into your chest and make these new boobs look a little more real. You have the option not to go through this and skip adding nipples. You could just keep them smooth or even just get tattoos that look like nipples. You can even enhance your new fake nipples and have them tattooed a darker shade so they appear a little more realistic, this is what I did. The options are endless!

Tattoos on the nipples may sound painful.  But guess what? These new breasts have no feeling.....

(OCT 2014) My full expanders a month prior to having
surgery to swap them out for silicone implants! We are at the
5K Making Strides Breast Cancer Walk in Tampa.

nothing, nada, nope! It is weird at first but you get used to this. You know when you get Novocaine at the dentist and you touch your lip and it feels thick?  That is pretty much what numb boobs feel like.  Once I bumped into a guy at a concert with my new big hard fake expander boobs and he turned around and gave me a nasty look, I about died! I didn't feel my boobs knock into him, so embarrassing. He surely thought someone was pushing him I think!  This was when I still had the expanders in and getting them filled with saline and they were hard as rocks, it was actually miserable and very painful towards the end before getting them swapped out for the silicone implants.

But again, these new boobs have no feeling.  My entire chest, sides, and down inside of my arms had no feeling at first but slowly I seem to get a little feeling back in some areas but it will never be 100% normal. Due to having no ability to feel I've had clothes slip down and not know it, don't feel it! To this day they are numb but it's ok because I survived and I can tell my story and hope it helps someone else. 

So that's briefly how boobs are made after cancer takes them from us. Hopefully reading this makes you see that pink ribbons are fun and pretty but in reality breast cancer is not this at all.  No cancer is easy to fight and the ribbons simply serve as a reminder for everyone to be aware and be as proactive as you can to avoid going through treatments and surgeries. 

Please make note to call and schedule your necessary screening for breast cancer, colon cancer, skin cancer, prostate cancer, and any other cancer you can!  If you are someone reading this and going through treatment and trying to decide on what route to take, think about what you want in 3 years. Think about what you want when you are back to "normal" life. Base your decision on what matters to you and go with it. But be sure to interview the surgeons and ask to see their portfolio of reconstruction pictures. If you don't trust your surgeon, get another one! My breast cancer surgeon was Dr. Catherine Lee and my reconstruction breast surgeon was Dr. Deniz Dayicioglu at Moffitt Cancer Center. These women are brilliant and most definitely experts with what they do. If I had to do it all over again, I would pick them to put me back together!

(Nov 2014) First picture I took of
 myself post dbl mastectomy

(July 2015) Four months after finishing all 3
surgeries for breast reconstruction

(June 2018) Me, back to "normal"!

Where Am I Now? 4 Years Later!

I don't blog much these days but today is one of those special anniversaries I like to celebrate! I think sharing my story may give hope to those fighting today and I know what that feeling. I know how it feels to think life totally sucks and there is no end to the depression and pain cancer causes us.  I'm one of the lucky ones that has been able to get my life back and I am grateful for that every morning.....even though I am NOT a morning person and can be a bit short-tempered until I wake up!

Crazy, nonstop, busy, exciting, hectic, fun, rewarding, and stressful.  Those are some terms that explain my life now! I'm officially a 4-year TNBC survivor, and that alone is an accomplishment I'm happy to announce out loud! Four years ago today I was in a 5-hour long double mastectomy surgery getting rid of this disease for good! 

So, what has life been like these past 4 years?!

Now I'm 43 years old and traveling is at the top of my new "To Do" list!  I try to do this as much as possible now that I got a second chance at life. We went to China and Hong Kong with our company, then took a mom and sisters trip to Ireland to experience our roots!  Visited my sister in Seattle and made 8 trips to California for a cancer research study I was in. Been hunting in Texas, S. Dakota, Ohio and just scheduled more hunting trips coming up in Argentina and Italy! My mom and I took our dogs on vacation to a cabin in Ashville, SC and have had several road trips that have been as entertaining as any of the destinations! My husband and I have had a lot of fun traveling and hunting together.  This has really shown me a new level of appreciation for the beauty of nature.

It hasn't been all rainbows and unicorns, but I'm working on it! The first year after treatment was the worst, it sucked. I didn't know my place in my life. I had to figure out my role in our companies, with my friends, and even my marriage.  Everything was different - my emotions were a rollercoaster, my body was different, hot flashes were obnoxious, and parts were missing!  Parts didn't work (thanks chemo menopause!). I was on Cymbalta for nerve pain and help with my mood, but that drug is the devil in disguise! Turned me into a zombie and after over a year on it I weaned off. Eventually, I had my life back and was able to focus and laugh again.

Never thought I'd be off medications to help with pain, anxiety, and sleep, but I am for the most part.  Some of that is due to healing, but I also credit acupuncture, massage, and essential oils for most of this recovery.  The rest is due to putting the pieces back together and learning how to live and not be the victim of cancer. My biggest complaint now are migraines but I can usually mange them now that I have the right specialist that understands.

Today I'm back to running several companies with my husband and recently won an award for Enterprising Women Of the Year for our Marine and Industrial company as President of Lightning Bay Pneu-Draulics.  That's exciting!  Together with my husband we run several companies and have great employees that help keep us successful. Never thought I would have a farm, but we have that too and it's been awesome to watch Shogun Farms develop over the past few years! Funny where life takes you and with the husband I have.....I never know what to expect next!

If you don't know this, I LOVE DOGS!  A few years ago when I was lost and depressed after treatment I got involved with dog rescue and started fostering them. Yes, this just added to my busy schedule, but it’s rewarding. I watch these dogs transform mentally and physically.  So many are beat down and losing hope then with love and proper care they become dogs again! I can relate to what this feels like and I absolutely love how rewarding it feels to see them live their new happy lives! 

Last year I took over as Executive Director for a 501c3, DC Dogos Inc., because of my love for the breed, Dogo Argentino. Not the easiest breed to work with but one of the best! There is a lot of evil in this world but there is a lot of good too; I have fabulous volunteers to prove it!  I have helped a little with cancer related non-profits, but I wanted to re-direct my focus away from cancer to help my healing, I think it worked and surely think that dogs have a way of healing us!

Honestly, life has been good to me. I have my moments, but that is normal. If I had to live it over again I would not change the fact that I was diagnosed with cancer. It’s changed me but has made be who I am. I hate cancer. I hate what it does. Three years ago this Friday it took my best friend of over 30 years. I think what I’ve learned the past few years is to appreciate the little things and make memories.

Thank you for reading & support someone with cancer today!